Sunday, July 19, 2009

Weary and Broken, but Pressing On


Today has been a hard day. It has been one of those days when I am weary from the fight. I'm tired. I'm weak. My body doesn't want to move. Simply watching TV was too much work this afternoon. All I could do was lie still in bed. No moving, no talking. I could barely pray because my mind couldn't formulate thoughts. I felt trapped. Stuck in this body, stuck in bed. Unable to sleep. Unable to think. Weakness won out. For a few moments my lungs and diaphragm forgot what they were supposed to do and took a break. My brain had to kick in and remind them to work again.

My body is broken. Usually I can pace myself carefully and make it through the day, even on the bad days. Then there are days like today when I am reminded of just how weak I can be, and just how hard things can get. My body won't do what it was designed to do. It won't even pretend to do what it is supposed to do. There is no faking it today. No one who walks in to the house today could fail to see that I am actually ill. I can't smile to hide the weakness and fatigue I feel right now. This illness is real. My body is growing weaker. I feel like I'm falling apart.

On days like today I long for heaven. I long to be with Jesus. I long to have a resurrection body. I long to live on the new earth. I long for this race to be over. I long for the finish line.

I head over to my friend's blog. She faces the some of the same illnesses I do, plus other trials of her own. She knows what this is like. She's real. She's honest and refreshing. I'm always encouraged after reading her blog, and today is no exception. She encourages me to keep on keeping on.

Hebrews 10:35-36 encourages me to always persevere, especially in those moments that make me want to give up the most -"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."

On the Day of Judgment, we will be richly rewarded if we did not give up on our faith in Christ despite danger, persecution, and difficulty. We will shine like the stars in the heavens... with brightness that comes not from a new bulb, but from the glory of God himself.

Colors of Qavah: Just Out of Reach

This is the life God has chosen to give me. This is the path He wants me to walk. I will live this life. I will walk this path. I may have a good cry every now and again, but I will press on. I will embrace this life and the opportunities I have. Some days it's just hard.

7 comments:

Jesslikesstuff said...

I'm sorry to hear you're not having one of your bad days. You wrote this last night, so I'm hoping that today is going much better for you. Your wonderful son and husband are, no doubt, doing what they can to make things easier. If today is better do post about it (if you can) so we can all celebrate it with you!

Sending positive, energetic thoughts your way.

SleepingBeauty said...

I can empathize and really relate to this particular blog.. you have said alot of what i think and feel. I wish you better days... and lots of hugs.. and support.. even though i suck at staying in touch these days!!! And I wish you the little comforts in the day to make tou smile.. or atleast smile in your mind...

SleepingBeauty said...

errrr that was suppose to say YOU! oooopsy

Rhonda said...

This was written a week ago, so I'm hoping you are having a better time of it now.

Hugs from a fellow SITSta!!!

Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

Mikki Black said...

Hello from SITS! I admire your bravery in tossing this post out there today. Not many people would be willing to be that open about themselves with the whole group.

I do hope you have many good days ahead of you this next week.

Tami (Pixeltrash) said...

I am reading this after you have already written that you are feeling a little better. I am so glad that you are. You have been dealt a tough hand in life, but you are much braver, stronger and amazing than those who have no challenges because you don't take your life for granted.

I hope that your days keep getting better and better! Happy SITS Saturday!

k80 said...

Stopping By from SITS. I so admire your faith in Jesus. Refreshing and admirable! I pray you are doing better these days!!! God bless you!

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