Diamonds Marriage Conference

There is going to be a second Diamonds Conference this year! It is a one day event covering topics about marriage and chronic illness. There will also be sessions about singleness, dating, and parenting while chronically ill.

The Diamonds Marriage in Chronic Illness event is this Saturday, June 5. If you are chronically ill, you are invited to join us! You can learn more and register for free here for the Diamonds Summer Event.

The Diamonds Summer Event is free while it is live. If you wish to watch sessions after June 5, you may purchase an All Access pass.

Will and I will both be speaking at the marriage event. Will is speaking first, and his session is titled, "Marriage and Chronic Illness: How Suffering in Marriage Vindicates the Wisdom and Goodness of God." He has been telling me about his session, and it is fascinating! If you love theology and learning deep truths of Scripture, you'll enjoy this!

In the evening, Will and I will be speaking together for a session titled, "When the Marriage Bed Becomes a Sick Bed: Sex, Marriage, and Chronic Illness." We have found that there is insufficient teaching from the church about sex when you have a marriage affected by chronic illness. Much of the typical advice given to couples simply doesn't work when one or both spouses are chronically ill. So we hope this session will be helpful and encouraging for those who are trying to navigate challenges in the marriage bed affected by chronic illness. If you are chronically ill and either married or considering marriage, we would love to have you join us for this session!

Be sure to check out the study guide! You can purchase a Kindle copy for 99 cents on Amazon. Or if you prefer a physical copy, you can order a paperback study guide for $5.99.

If you are married with a chronic illness, you are not alone. There are other couples going through the same struggles as you. You can meet some of them at the conference. And if you are single or dating, you too will find others who are going through the same thing as you. You aren't alone. Come join the chronically ill Diamonds community and be encouraged in your walk with the Lord through chronic illness.

Welcome, Baby Gresham!

Welcome Baby Gresham!

Our newest family member is here in our arms, and we are very happy! Gresham was 9 pounds, 5 ounces when he was born, and he was my next-to-smallest baby! I have been enjoying snuggling my little one.

We have had a busy couple of months in the Lundy home. We have been finishing up school, dealing with health challenges, and caring for a baby. Life is hard and wonderful all at once.

William and Adelaide have been a tremendous help to me in caring for Stafford and Gresham every day. I could not do this without them! All of our kids were home for school this year. William did a virtual academy, and Adelaide was home schooled. William and Adelaide took turns doing school work and caring for Stafford in the mornings. And then after Gresham was born, they also helped me care for him!

It has been quite a blessing to have their full-time help at home. If Gresham wakes up and wants to play, but I need to get more sleep, then I just call William. He comes to take the baby, and I go back to sleep. It has been an incredible gift! I am more rested during this postpartum time than I ever have been before. So while I am still tired, and I am kept busy with caring for four children, I am feeling better than I ever have at this point after pregnancy.

It has been hard for me to blog while caring for a baby, and I expect that my blog posts will probably continue to be sporadic over the next year or two as I care for a baby and then a toddler. But I still plan to keep this blog going, and I still plan to write and serve others online as the Lord provides the strength and opportunity.

Our kids are out of school for the summer, and we are looking forward to summer fun, time with cousins, time at camp, visits from family and friends, and hopefully some rest in there too! 

I hope you all have a wonderful summer! What are your plans?

Fair Trade Easter Eggs

Back when we lived in Kentucky I made a Resurrection Egg set, and I wrote a lesson plan for young children. I used it twice when we hosted an Easter Egg hunt with our neighbors. But I have used it countless times with my own children. This egg set has been a favorite for each of my children, especially at young ages.

When William was three years old, one of his favorite things to do every day was open these eggs and hear the Easter story. He would ask me to tell him the story over and over again. I would share the lesson several times in a row, until my voice was hoarse and I had to stop! Later on in the day we would do it again.

A few years later, Adelaide was asking to hear the lesson again and again. And now Stafford loves to open the eggs and talk about what we find inside. What a blessing it is to have my children asking over and over to hear the good news of Jesus Christ! This little egg set has been one of the very best teaching tools in our house.

I have a small set that includes only eight eggs. The eggs contain:

• Bread
• A picture of praying hands
• 30 pieces of silver (dimes)
• A nail
• A tiny cross
• Cloth
• A rock
• And the last egg is empty because the tomb was empty on Easter morning!

This year I decided to give our Resurrection Eggs a little update, and I recreated them with fair trade eggs from Mercy House! The items inside are the same, but the eggs are made by the women of Street Hope.

The women of Street Hope once lived on the streets of Mathare Valley in Kenya, but because of the simple job of sewing felt crafts, these women have been able to move off of the street and into their own homes! They have been able to leave survival prostitution now that they have dignified jobs. These courageous women are working their way out of poverty.

It brings me joy to know that my purchase of fair trade eggs helps women to provide for their families. These little felt eggs are sturdy and pretty! They bring a smile to my face, and they remind me to pray for Street Hope and for Mercy House.

Today Mercy House has these felt eggs on sale! They are also selling baskets with pre-filled Easter eggs. Click over to the Mercy House store to shop the Easter collection and snag a good deal on Easter eggs!

*Edited to add: The Easter eggs sold out in a matter of hours! But they will have more next year! Meanwhile, there are still plenty of wonderful fair trade products in the store if you want to support Mercy House and the women they provide with jobs. Mercy House also has a FREE digital Easter Bundle if you want some more ideas for celebrating Easter at home with your children.*

And if you are interested in making and using Resurrection Eggs, you can read my lesson plan here. If you have young children, I highly recommend doing this with them! Little ones love it!

What special things do you do at Easter to share the gospel with your children? I would love to hear your ideas!

Favorite Books of 2019

In 2019 I had a goal of reading 20 books. I ended up reading 24 books! Some of those books were very, very short, but I was grateful for the ability to read as many as I did! Here are some of my favorite books from last year.

Suffering Is Never for Nothing by Elisabeth Elliot

Elisabeth Elliot is someone who faced various hard trials in her life. Through it all she remained faithful to God, trusted in Him, and worked faithfully to simply do the next thing. Suffering Is Never for Nothing is based on a speaking series she gave many years ago. The words in the book were taken directly from the transcript of her speaking series. Elisabeth Elliot shares, as she always did, in her straightforward, no-nonsense way. This is an encouraging book for the believer who is trying to make sense of the very hard suffering in life, and it is also beneficial for the believer who is looking for help as they face everyday challenges.


Hope When It Hurts by Kristen Wetherell and Sarah Walton

This little book is so encouraging and helpful! It is filled with solid truths from Scripture that you can cling to when life hurts. Sarah and Kristen write from personal, painful experience, and they offer rock-solid hope. They consistently point the reader back to Jesus and to the eternal and precious promises we have through Him. Hope When It Hurts is deep and rich. It is beautiful and practical. I recommend it to everyone!


Friendish by Kelly Needham

Friendish is a timely and much-needed look at friendship from a biblical perspective. Kelly Needham has written a book filled with wisdom and truth. She takes the reader straight to Scripture to find guidance for the way we do friendship. With so many bad examples of friendship in the culture around us, it is easy to lose sight of what friendship should be. Friendish will help you to see patterns and pitfalls to avoid, and it will encourage you to grow as a godly friend to others. For anyone wanting to learn how to honor God in their friendships, this book is a must read!

The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo

This is a helpful, practical, and solidly biblical parenting book. Lou Priolo helps the parent to get to the heart of emotions and attitudes in their children and in their own hearts. The Heart of Anger is an excellent book to read, and a very good resource to keep on your bookshelf.


The Complicated Heart by Sarah Mae

In this compelling memoir, Sarah Mae shares her story of growing up with an alcoholic mother. She tells of her pain and struggles as well as her path to healing. This is the story of a mother and daughter that is filled with hurt, abuse, and difficulty. But it is a story that ends with redemption, love, and reconciliation. Before her mother passed away, Sarah promised her that she would tell their story. This book is the fulfillment of that promise. The Complicated Heart is a good book for anyone who is struggling to love and to forgive those who are close to them who have hurt them. And it is a great book for those who need help understanding the depth of pain and suffering that is present in some families.

What good books have you read lately? Are there any books that I should add to my 2020 reading shelf?

Review: The Long Goodbye

One of my favorite bloggers was Kara Tippetts. She wrote at Mundane Faithfulness about motherhood and her journey with cancer. One of the things I appreciated so much about Kara was her absolute trust in God's sovereignty and in His good plan for her life, even though it wasn't the story she would have chosen.

Kara passed away four years ago, and her story is now being told through a new documentary, The Long Goodbye: The Kara Tippetts Story. This documentary follows her journey as cancer slowly takes her. It is a sad story to watch, and yet it is also full of hope and beauty because Kara knew Jesus.

Some of my favorite scenes in the film were ones where Kara was spending time with her children in whatever way she could, even when she was confined to bed. Those moments were especially encouraging to me as a mom with a disabling chronic illness. I am homebound and have to spend the majority of my time resting in bed, so being able to catch a glimpse of another mom who was loving her children while exhausted and confined to bed was very encouraging to me.

Kara sought to be kind even when grieving and in pain. She had such a hard story, but she lived it well, and she trusted in Jesus through it all. She is an example of how to live well, and how to die well.

My favorite quote from Kara in this documentary:

The world says I should be angry, that I should be shaking my fist at God. I didn’t think at 38 I’d be battling cancer, but I am, and so I need to find contentment in that place. I want to be able to share this story that suffering isn’t a mistake, and it isn’t the absence of God’s goodness because He’s present in pain.

The documentary is very well done. I highly recommend it. It is sad and wonderful and hope-filled. It will help you to keep your eyes on Jesus as you persevere through whatever hard thing you have been called to endure.

The Long Goodbye

(If you are reading this in an email, you may click over to the blog to view the trailer.)

The documentary is available on DVD and digital. The DVD is my favorite of the two formats because it has bonus features with Joanna Gaines, Joni Eareckson Tada, and Ann Voskamp. You can find the DVD on Amazon, CBD, Barnes & Noble, and Lifeway. The digital version can be found on Amazon, christiancinema.com, Google Play, iTunes, and Vudu.

Photos are courtesy of Jay Lyons Productions.

Introducing Stafford

I am happy to announce that our little Stafford is here! He is a sweet and content baby, and he loves to be snuggled and held. We thank the Lord for this precious gift.

Stafford was 8 pounds, 10 ounces when he was born. He was my smallest baby! It has been fun to have a "tiny" baby for the first time.

We are thrilled to have Stafford in our arms now! We are exhausted too. Life is hard, but we are doing pretty well, and we are adjusting to life with a newborn.

William and Adelaide are great as big brother and big sister. They are a help to us, and they love to hold their baby brother. Stafford loves to spend time with them too.

Will continues on with law school, work, and taking care of his family. He is sleep deprived, but somehow he manages to keep things running here at home. Thankfully the end of the semester is coming up soon, and the break from school will enable Will to get more sleep. We are really looking forward to summer when he won't have homework to do every night.

My recovery is going as well as can be expected. I am very tired, and I don't think that will go away anytime soon. My doctor's orders are to do nothing but rest, recover, and take care of my baby. So for now I am mostly just eating, sleeping, and feeding Stafford. It's an exhausting, wonderful, hard, and happy life.

I had a C-section with Stafford, so I was in a lot of pain for the first two weeks. I still have pain, and will for quite some time, but it isn't too bad anymore. The nice thing about having a C-section is that my body doesn't get exhausted from labor and delivery. This allows me more time to hold my baby and enjoy him in the newborn stage. I get to wear myself out taking care of a baby instead of wearing myself out going through labor.

So far I have not had a bad crash, and I am thankful for that. I know it will become much harder for me to take care of Stafford once he is mobile and no longer sleeping all day. There are probably still some very hard days ahead. I'm trying not to think about that for now. I'm trying to take it one day at a time and enjoy these moments as best I can.

I love holding Stafford and taking care of him. I am thankful that I have been able to do quite a bit of the baby care so far. I can feel my arms and legs becoming weaker from all of the exertion, but it is worth it. And whatever crash may come -- this baby is worth it.

God has been so good to us. He has blessed us with another child, and He has provided the extra help we need. My parents were here to help out when Stafford was born, and they will be coming again this spring to help out for a while. Our church and friends have provided help as well. As my needs increase there are some who are willing to step in and help out more.

And you, dear readers, have been an encouragement to me. Thank you for your prayers and support during this time of welcoming a new baby into our family.

I won’t be able to blog again for a long time, but I do hope to share short updates on Instagram and Facebook. You are welcome to check in with me there. You are also still welcome to email me. I do appreciate every email, but I likely won't be able to reply, and I thank you for understanding.

I don't know when I will start blogging again, or if I will be able to write regularly once I do start writing again. If you would like, you may subscribe here so that you receive an email whenever I publish a new post.

I am thankful for you, dear reader and friend. Thank you for being here at Cranberry Tea Time. Thank you for sharing in the joy of the birth of Stafford!

Teatime Conversations: Ideas and Resources for Chronically Ill Mother and Daughter

Reader Question: I'm a solo mother with a chronic illness. I can't work in paid employment, but am still able to help my 14 year old daughter homeschool. She has been getting sick, tired, suffering from chronic pain, and we are in the process of getting a diagnosis. I want to be able to lighten her burden and have more fun with her as she is very mature for her age, but has had to shoulder a huge burden over these years. I've been trying to think of things I can do with the limited energy we have that would be fun, lighten her load and mood, or just make things easier for her. I've been working slowly on decluttering and setting up systems to use less energy, watching movies together, helping her sew upcycled clothes and so on, and listen to her as much as I can. If you could offer any ideas, resources, and so on, I'd be grateful :) Thank you.

My heart goes out to you, friend. It sounds like both you and your daughter are facing a lot of challenges. Living with a chronic illness is hard enough, and being a single parent on top of that must be even more physically challenging. You and your daughter have been in my prayers today.

That is wonderful that you are able to homeschool your daughter. What a good gift to give to her. With her chronic illness, it is probably especially helpful for her to be at home for school. I can tell that you love your daughter very much and that you are doing all you can to serve her and take good care of her. You are a loving and courageous mom.

I have been brainstorming lately to think of fun things you can do with your daughter and practical things that might make life easier. I’ve also been thinking about other organizations that might have resources, help, or practical tips for you. I hope some of my readers will chime in with their ideas too!


Fun things to do together:

• Start a simple book club. This could be just the two of you reading and discussing a book together. Or if you are up for it, you could invite another mother and daughter to join you in reading a book and then coming over to your home to discuss it.
• Do a Bible study together. Like a book club, this could be something for just you and your daughter, or you could invite another mother and daughter to join you for a regular Bible study.
• Watch a True Woman conference. I have always enjoyed these conferences and the ability to watch from home. This year’s True Woman conference will be September 27-29, and they always offer an online live-stream for free. You and your daughter could attend a conference together from the comfort of your home! Revive Our Hearts also makes all of their main speaker sessions available for free online, so you can watch sessions from past year’s conferences too.
• Attend a Joni and Friends family retreat. I don’t know if this would be too exhausting for you and your daughter. I have never been to a Joni and Friends family retreat, but I have heard so many good things about them. Maybe there would be a family retreat close enough that you could attend. There is a cost for the week, but Joni and Friends also offers scholarships, and that might help to make it affordable. 
• Start a blog. If you and your daughter enjoy writing, you could start a blog together. The two of you would have a unique perspective to offer as a mother and daughter who are facing chronic illness together. Or you could write a blog that has nothing to do with chronic illness. Maybe you could share about the upcycled clothing items you are making. You could take pictures and make tutorials for those who want to learn how to alter clothing and make something new.
• Try new crafts together. YouTube has lots of tutorial videos for crafts. Maybe there is a new craft you and your daughter would enjoy together – perhaps knitting, crocheting, painting, quilting, or card making.
• Try out a new board game or card game. Cribbage is one of my favorite games. Pente is another fun game for two people. Maybe there are new-to-you games that you and your daughter would enjoy.
• Participate in a service project. Is there something you and your daughter could do from home to serve others? It could be praying for the needs in your church, praying for a ministry you want to support, sending cards to others in your church or community who need encouragement, making baby hats to donate to your local hospital, or making a blanket for an elderly or chronically ill person in your church.
• Watch television or movies together. You did mention this in your message to me, but I think it is worth repeating. There are many days with chronic illness when brain fog and fatigue make it impossible to read, do a craft, or do anything that requires much thinking. Sometimes watching tv is a wise use a of time. And if that is what you need to do with your daughter, then enjoy your time together watching tv!

Tools for making life easier:

I don’t know exactly what your needs and your daughter’s needs are, but here are some tools that have been helpful for me. Maybe they would be for the two of you as well.

• A lap desk. Having a lap desk has made it much easier for me to use my laptop computer while in bed or in my recliner.
• A recliner. I do many things from my recliner – read, eat, scrapbook, work on taxes, talk, rest, and look outside. On the “bad days”, a recliner can enable me to be out in the living room with my family for a short time when I might otherwise have to be in bed.
• A Kindle. There are days when my arms are too tired to hold open a book, but I am able to still read if I have my kindle. I can prop up the kindle, and then all I have to do to turn the page is a simple tap on the screen. 
• Shower stool. A shower stool makes showers less exhausting. If fainting is a risk, it can also help to lessen that risk. 
• Mobility aids. A seat cane, wheelchair, and/or walker can make getting around the house easier. I have all three of these, and I use them at different times in the day depending on what my needs and energy levels are in the moment.

Resources for further help:

• Joni and Friends response department. Joni and Friends does an excellent job in encouraging and supporting those affected by disability. You can contact Joni and Friends to ask for prayer, encouragement, information, resources, and more. They always send a kind, helpful, and gracious reply.
• Online chronic illness community. There are ideas and support to be found through the chronic illness community online. This can be through blogs, Facebook groups, and websites and online forums for specific illnesses. If you are interested, you can find some of my favorite blogs, books, websites, and forums on the Resources page.
• Your local church. I don't know if you have a good local church or not. If you do, it would be helpful to let your elders and deacons know of the struggles you and your daughter are facing. The church may be able to offer some practical help or sponsor you to attend a Joni and Friends family retreat. If you aren't part of a local church, I recommend looking for a good church near you. 9Marks has a helpful online church searching tool. 
• Local Joni and Friends office. Your regional Joni and Friends office may be able to share about local help and resources. They may also be able to help connect you with a local church that has programs available for people with a chronic illness or disability.
• Independent Living Center. Your local Independent Living Center may have ideas for resources in your area. Sometimes they also have durable medical equipment they can loan to you if you need it.

Cranberry Tea Time friends - we would love to hear from you! What ideas do you have for fun things this mom and daughter can do together? What things might make life easier for them? What resources have you found helpful??

Preparing for Stafford: Your Questions

Over the past few months I have received several messages and questions about preparing for Stafford from readers and friends who live far away. People have been wondering what they can do to help if they don't live nearby.

I thought there might be more questions, so I asked on Instagram and Facebook what questions you might have about preparing for Stafford, dysautonomia and pregnancy, etc, and y’all came up with a lot of questions! Today I am here to answer them. This will be lengthy, but feel free to skip over any question you aren’t interested in.

If you missed any of the other posts in the Preparing for Stafford series, you can find them here:

• Preparing for Stafford and Stepping Away from Blogging
• Preparing for Stafford: The Fun Stuff
• Preparing for Stafford: The Hard Stuff

How do doctors handle labor and delivery when someone has dysautonomia?

It varies a lot from one doctor to another and from one patient to another. Some doctors are nervous about it; others are ready to take on the challenge. Some women with dysautonomia do well during pregnancy; others get worse during pregnancy. One doctor told me that some women with dysautonomia choose to have a C-section because it won’t require the physical exertion of labor. Other women want to do things as naturally as possible. If heart rate, blood pressure, and other symptoms are under control, from what I have heard, doctors will let a woman go through labor. However, they will probably monitor her more closely.

I don’t know many more specifics about how doctors handle labor and delivery with their dysautonomia patients, but I can share some from my personal experience. I have lived in a different place with each birth, so I had a different practitioner each time, and each one went about things a little differently.

I went to a Certified Nurse Midwife with William. She delivered in a hospital, and she worked closely with an OB and a high-risk OB, so I was very comfortable with the situation. When I had William I wanted to avoid all medications and interventions if possible because I didn’t know how my body would respond. I especially wanted to avoid an epidural because it can lower blood pressure, and mine was already low. 

After laboring through the night and all day long, I was so sleepy and fatigued that I couldn’t continue. The only options were to either get an epidural and take a nap or have a C-section. I opted for the epidural. I was also given Pitocin to help my uterus contract better. I’ve always wondered if it wasn’t contracting well because of my dysautonomia, but we really don’t know. Once the epidural kicked in, I took a nap, and just a few hours later William was born. It was tiring, but it all went very smoothly, and I didn’t have any complications with the epidural or Pitocin.

I went to an OB with Adelaide. The doctor referred me for a consult with a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist just in case, but after the MFM specialist gave her okay, I was allowed to stay with my OB for the remainder of my care. My OB also had me go for a consult with anesthesiology a month before my due date. She wanted them to be familiar with my illness before I went into labor.

My OB and I had planned to induce so that I could go into labor after a full night of sleep. We wanted to avoid the sleepless night that I’d had during my first delivery in order to help relieve some of the intense fatigue I experienced that time. However, Adelaide grew so big so fast that I had to have a C-section. The delivery and recovery went well. 

The first OB I went to when I was pregnant with Stafford was very uncomfortable with my dysautonomia. Having a doctor who was so nervous about my health conditions was unsettling, so I found a new OB. She is the sweetest doctor, and she gladly takes high-risk patients. She did refer me to a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist just to make sure it was okay for me to stay in her care. We received the okay from MFM, so I have continued in the care of this OB who has an interest in high-risk cases.

She is being extra cautious with me because of my age, dysautonomia, and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. The nice part about this is that I get to have a lot of ultrasounds! It is fun to have a peek into the womb every few weeks. If I feel well enough, I would like to try for a VBAC, but because of my age, a prior C-section, big babies, and EDS, it would be risky. My doctor is willing to let me take this risk, but I would be monitored closely throughout labor. 

Because it is risky for me to go into labor, I will need to go stay in a hotel close to the hospital when my due date gets close. I live a couple of hours away from the hospital, and it could be dangerous for me to be in labor on a long drive to the hospital since doctors wouldn't be nearby to intervene if needed.

I will likely end up having a C-section with Stafford. I can’t be induced because of EDS and my prior C-section. If my pregnancy goes past 40 weeks, Stafford will probably be so big that I would have to have a C-section anyway. My body may be tired, but it sure can grow big babies! I have been praying that if a VBAC is best for Stafford and me that I will go into labor early. And if I don’t, then I will trust that a C-section is the safest option for us.

Is your recovery time longer after childbirth?

Based on what I have seen and heard from other moms, it does take me significantly longer to recover from the lingering pain and exhaustion of childbirth. After William was born I couldn’t even get out of bed to pick him up or change his diaper. When Will wasn’t in the room, I had to call a nurse if William needed care. 

I had a C-section with Adelaide, and that made the initial exhaustion less than if I had gone through labor. However, the physical toll of taking care of a newborn soon tired me out anyway.

How will you deal with a newborn baby feeding all night long while having chronic illness? Will you bottle feed so others can help with that? 

We have always had to primarily bottle feed in the past. Based on my past experience, we will most likely be doing some bottle feeding early on, and we will probably have to switch to exclusive bottle feeding sometime in the first few months. 

When we had William, Will and I took turns feeding him at night. When we had Adelaide, I was only able to do night time feedings for the first two weeks. After that, Will did all of the midnight feedings.

Who is in your support team? You’ve mentioned you’ll be handing Stafford to others to care for. Do you get paid help or family/friends or a combination of both?

I will take care of Stafford as much as I possibly can, but I know that I will need significant help from others. We won’t have paid help, but we have received offers of help from friends and from our church. Our family will also be helping as they are able. Most of our extended family lives far away, so family help will be limited, but it will be there too. 

My parents will be coming up to help out for a while before and after Stafford arrives. They will also come to take care of the children and me while Will has to be gone for a week for the on-campus portion of law school this semester.

When we don’t have family living with us to help, local friends and our church family will be helping with meals and in-home care.

Do Will, William, and Adelaide have a good support system?

They do. We are pretty close as a family, and we talk to each other and support each other a lot. Our children will probably be more open with Will and me than they are with others, but they do have other friends and homes they can go to for an escape from the stress of severe illness if they need to. They also have a good school and amazing teachers, and they enjoy their time at school each week.

Will's dad and stepmom live nearby. Will has a very kind and understanding boss, and we are grateful for that. Our pastor also checks in with Will regularly to see how he is doing and if there is anything we need.

In terms of needing help, are there any options for people with disabilities, who have a child, for in-home help? What does your level of disability have to be? Or is there an option for subsidized daycare for someone with a disability?

As far as I know, there isn’t any help like this in my area. Anytime I have looked into it, both parents had to be working, or looking for work, in order to qualify for childcare assistance. Unfortunately, being disabled and unable to work does not qualify a parent for childcare assistance.

It sounds like you’ve let your church know, and your close friends know, what you need. I’d be curious to know what those things were that you asked for.

Back in September we told our church that we had a baby on the way. We also told a few people how hard life was now that Will had started law school. He was struggling to keep up with full-time work, school, and taking care of his family. It was impossible for him to do all that needed to be done. One of the deaconesses came to me and asked me to send her an email to let her know what we needed. I sent two long emails. The first email detailed what kind of help we needed right away. 

The needs that I mentioned in that first email were:

• Help with yard work
• Meals once or twice a week
• Someone to go grocery shopping for us
• Someone to take me for short errands in town
• Help with house cleaning
• Baby items (I had given away all of our baby items except for the few I kept for sentimental reasons.)

The second email gave details about my health, what a crash is like for me, what happened after William and Adelaide were born, and what kind of help I would likely need after Stafford is born.

The specific needs I mentioned in the second email were all of the same needs from the first email, plus:

• Women to come into my home to take care of both Stafford and me while Will is at work
• Help with nighttime feedings 

I also mentioned that I will not be able to have visitors after Stafford is born, and I explained that I will need to have a lot of quiet when people are here to help. 

I forgot to mention in my emails that we need to do all we can to avoid colds and other viruses, but this is something I have told many people since then. If someone has a runny nose or cough, we kindly ask that they not come into our home to help. We have had a baby with RSV and whooping cough, and it was hard to go through that. It would be even harder now that my health has declined more, but it isn’t just the “big” things we need to avoid. We also need to avoid simple cold viruses. What is a slight cold for a healthy person can cause me weeks of extra fatigue and weakness as my body puts energy toward fighting off the cold.

I wasn’t quite as specific with a list of needs when talking with my friends. Most of these things came up naturally as we were talking. I did share details about what is likely going to happen sometime in the months after Stafford is born. I didn’t live in Minnesota when either William or Adelaide were born, so my friends here have never seen me at my worst. It was important that I let them know ahead of time what was likely coming in the next year. 

I didn’t even have to ask my two closest friends for help; they just offered. And they gave specific offers of help, which is always great because then I don’t have to wonder, “What do they want to do? What should I ask? What is too much?” These friends just poured out their love and shared what they could do for me. They also expressed that they wanted to do these things, which helped me to not feel like a burden to them, but to feel like a valued friend.

What are some things that I could do, or that someone else who doesn't live nearby can do? Are there tangible ways from far away for us to help? Are there gift cards we can send for restaurants with take-out near you? 

These are questions I have received a lot in the past couple of months from blog readers and friends who live far away. You all are so kind to want to help. I do not want anyone to feel like they have to help simply because they read my blog. Please know that you are under no obligation! But since so many of you have asked about this, and have even asked specifically about gift cards, I feel like I should answer this question too.

Here are some ways you can help if you live far away:

• Pray for us. Many of you have already told me that you are praying for us regularly, and we appreciate that so much! Thank you! If you would like to know specific prayer requests, I mention several of them in this blog post.
• Send encouraging notes and messages. Many of you already do this as well! Thank you! I am always grateful for encouragement that comes through your emails, Facebook messages, snail mail cards, Facebook and Instagram comments, and blog comments.
• Share an uplifting song. Some of my favorite songs have come from friends far away who send a link to a YouTube video. These songs have encouraged me on my hard days.
• Sending a gift card if you feel so led. But please do not feel obligated. I wouldn’t have mentioned this if you hadn’t asked. In fact, I wouldn’t have even thought of this if this hadn’t been asked about so specifically! But you are right that gift cards to local restaurants for take-out would be helpful for us. We do have two meals a week that are provided by our church. Even now it is helpful to buy an additional meal from a local restaurant when Will doesn’t have time to prepare supper for us. And I'm sure it is only going to get harder for Will to have the time and energy to prepare meals for our family after Stafford is born. There aren’t many restaurant options for us, but nearby we do have Pizza Ranch, Casey’s General Store, and Subway. If you want to send a gift card, you can send an e-gift card to RachelLundy@cranberryteatime.com.
• Your ideas could be helpful too! Often the best help and encouragement comes from someone who sees a need or has an idea, and then does that. So if there is a way you would like to give support or encouragement, that may be just what we need and don’t even know it!

The Lego Lundys 

by William and Adelaide

Thank you so much, friends, for caring about our family. Thank you for praying for us and for rejoicing with us in the gift of Stafford! I look forward to introducing you to him sometime next month!

Teatime Conversations: Coping as a Less-than-Energetic Mom

Reader Question: What sorts of things help you to cope with your identity as a less-than-energetic mum?

It helps me to remember that this is the life God has called me to. He has made me a mother. He has chosen William, Adelaide, and Stafford to be my children. And He has chosen for me to live with dysautonomia. God is in control, and He is sovereign over all things, even illnesses and disabilities. I fully believe that God could heal me if He chose to do so, but He has chosen not to bring healing to my body. Instead He has called me to glorify Him as a disabled wife and mother. I trust that He has a plan and a purpose in this, even though it doesn’t seem best to me. It brings me comfort to know that God is using this for my good and for the good of my family (Romans 8:28).

I am certainly a less-than-energetic mom, but I am not only that. I am a less-than-energetic mom who is in Christ. I am a child of God (John 1:12), and I have an inheritance with Christ (Romans 8:16-18). There is reward coming! My faithfulness today as a less-than-energetic mom will be rewarded in Heaven in the future. Knowing this helps me to persevere.

Ultimately my life as a disabled mom is to be lived for the Lord. As I set my mind on things above, I remember that my “life is hidden with Christ in God” (Colossians 3:1-3). My life is secure in Him, and my life has purpose and meaning no matter how sick I become.

I don’t do these things well every day. I don’t always live like my life is hidden with Christ. I don’t always seek the things that are above. I’m not always faithful to glorify God as a less-than-energetic mom. Sometimes I become overwhelmed by the difficulties in life, and I need to be reminded of the hope I have in Christ and the ultimate purpose of my life. I need to be reminded to embrace the life God has called me to live.

These are some verses that have helped me to persevere as a chronically ill mom. I hope they encourage you too.

• John 1:12
• Galatians 2:20
• Colossians 3:1-4 
• 1 Peter 2:9-10
• Ephesians 1:1-2:22
• 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
• Romans 8:14-18
• Romans 8:35-39

In addition to keeping in mind the “big picture” purpose of my life, there are a few practical things I am intentional in doing as a mom in order to maximize my interaction with my children. These are some practical ways that I embrace my role as a disabled mother.

• Leave little notes for my children on special days or just because. Occasionally before I go to sleep at night I put notes on the floor outside of my children's bedroom doors so that they will see them when they get up in the morning. Sometimes it is “just because” and contains only a silly joke. Other times it might be a note wishing them a good day on a field trip.

• Decorate my children’s doors the night before their birthdays. I sleep in until about 10:00 or 11:00 in the morning on most days, which means that I don’t always get to see my kids on the morning of their birthdays. They are usually at school before I wake up, so on the night before their birthday, I decorate their bedroom doors with something fun like streamers or balloons. One year I forgot to buy anything fun, so William woke up to a doorway covered in toilet paper!

• Whenever possible I allow my children to come in to talk to me when I am resting in bed. I can only be out of bed for about 4 or 5 hours on an average day. Much of my awake time has to be spent resting in a quiet bedroom. But even when I am resting, if I am awake, I like to be as available as possible for my children. They know that they can come in and see me anytime I am not sleeping. They might come in to tell me a funny story, ask me a question, show me a Lego project they are building, or just talk. Sometimes we talk for 15 minutes or more; sometimes I can only talk for 30 seconds. But by being willing to talk as long as possible, William and Adelaide have learned to trust that I like being with them and talking with them, and that makes it easier on them when I have to say that I need to be alone and rest.

• Have my children come tell me good night. I usually have to go to bed by 6:00, so my kids stay up later than I do. Will does the night time routine and puts the kids to bed, but before they go to bed, they come in to see me and give me good night hugs and kisses. This gives me one more chance to see my children during the day and tell them that I love them.

• Do chores with my kids. I like to work alongside my children when I am able. Instead of assigning them chores to go off and do alone, we work together. Now that William and Adelaide are 12 and 8, I am able to do some chores at home that I could not do previously, simply because now I have their help! They can do my “walking around stuff” as I call it, and they can move boxes or bring things to me as I give directions. Their effort enables me to get more things done, and we have fun working together.

• Watch movies together on the “bad days.” When I don’t have energy for anything more than watching a movie, but I need to spend time with my kids, then we have a movie day. We might make some popcorn or grab some fun snacks too. But mostly we hang out on the sofa and just watch movies. 

• Find creative ways to do tasks. This means that I do a lot of things while sitting or lying down. We play board games while I lie down on the floor. Sometimes I brush Adelaide’s hair while I am lying in bed. I often help with homework while lying down on the sofa. One time my children and I made Christmas treats while sitting on the floor.

• Let my children help me. This takes humility. It’s not always easy to ask our children for help, but most of the time I find that William and Adelaide are glad to help me. They especially like it when I need help taking my compression socks off. It gives them quite a workout to tug those tight socks off when they are young, and they like the challenge!

One final thing I will mention that helps me is grieving occasionally. If you are a chronically ill mom, there are real losses you have faced, and it is good and appropriate to grieve them. Being sad at times about all that you cannot do as a mom is completely understandable. I like what John Piper says: “Occasionally, weep deeply over the life that you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Feel the pain. Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life that he’s given you.”

Photo by Bruno Nascimento

If you are a chronically ill mom, my encouragement to you today is to love your children well in the ways in which you are able. Focus on doing what you can. Be creative in finding ways to be with your children, or to communicate with your children, when illness limits your energy. Grieve the losses, but do not despair. Embrace the life God has given you and the motherhood He has called you to.

The God who sent His Son to suffer and die on the cross for you can be trusted with what you are going through. When He takes away your energy, you can be certain that He will bring good from it. God has a plan and a purpose in your illness, and if you know Him, then He can, and will, use it for your ultimate good. If your children know Jesus, then He will use it for their ultimate good too. You are an heir with Christ, and you will be rewarded in Heaven for your faithfulness as a less-than-energetic mom.


We would love to hear from you! If you have a chronic illness, what has helped you to cope with your identity as a less-than-energetic mother? How would you encourage a chronically ill mom?

Book Review: Picturing Heaven

A few weeks ago Tyndale sent a complimentary copy of Picturing Heaven to me to read and review. This is a new devotion book by one of my favorite authors, Randy Alcorn. This book contains short, one-page devotions, and there is a coloring page for each devotion in the book. 

This book has been encouraging to Adelaide and to me. I'm not one who likes to color very much, but my daughter loves it, so I knew this book would be a good one for us to do together. We enjoy reading the devotion and then talking together while we color the corresponding picture for that day's reading.

Heaven is a topic I have talked about often with my children over the years, especially when they were younger and first starting to grapple with the fact that they have a mom who is disabled and needs a lot of rest. Picturing Heaven is a great way to learn more about Heaven and start more conversations about life, disability, hope, Jesus, and the life to come.

       

Adelaide and I are enjoying reading and coloring our way through this book!

The devotions in Picturing Heaven will help you to set your mind on things above and encourage you to keep an eternal perspective in life. The book is filled with beautiful illustrations, and those who like to color will enjoy coloring the pictures as they reflect on what they have read.

If you want to see more pictures from the book, you can look at a sample of the devotion book Amazon. Or you can download a sample portion from Eternal Perspective Ministries website and do some coloring at home.

Imagine Heaven the way the Bible describes it—a place of exquisite beauty brimming with marvelous detail and intricate patterns; a special dwelling place free of corruption and sin; and a place of both rest and enjoyable, meaningful work. 

Let the power and majesty of Heaven fill your heart with joy as you color these 40 designs carefully interpreted from the pages of Scripture. Savor a respite from daily life as you read and meditate on devotions from best–selling author Randy Alcorn, a leading authority on Heaven. Picturing Heaven will offer you comfort and relaxation, while filling your heart with restful assurance that God prepares a special place for those who love Him.  

Randy Alcorn is an author and the founder and director of Eternal Perspective Ministries (EPM), a nonprofit organization dedicated to teaching principles of God's Word and assisting the church in ministering to unreached, unfed, unborn, uneducated, unreconciled, and unsupported people around the world. His ministry focus is communicating the strategic importance of using our earthly time, money, possessions, and opportunities to invest in need-meeting ministries that count for eternity. He accomplishes this by analyzing, teaching, and applying biblical truth.

Before starting EPM in 1990, Randy served as a pastor for fourteen years. He has a bachelor of theology and a master of arts in biblical studies from Multnomah University and an honorary doctorate from Western Seminary in Portland, Oregon, and has taught on the adjunct faculties of both. A New York Times bestselling author, Randy has written more than fifty books, including Heaven, The Treasure Principle, and the award-winning novel Safely Home. His books have sold more than ten million copies and have been translated into more than sixty languages.

Randy has written for many magazines, including EPM's Eternal Perspectives. He is active on Facebook and Twitter and has been a guest on more than seven hundred radio, television, and online programs.

Randy resides in Gresham, Oregon, with his wife, Nanci. They have two married daughters and are the proud grandparents of five grandsons. Randy enjoys time spent with his family, biking, snorkeling, underwater photography, researching, and reading.

Follow Randy on Facebook: www.facebook.com/randyalcorn; on Twitter: www.twitter.com/randyalcorn; and on his blog: www.epm.org/blog/

Teatime Conversations: Being a Mom

It is time for the first question in the Teatime Conversations series. You all asked some good questions! I have received four questions so far, and I plan on answering each of them in the coming months. It has been hard to keep up with blogging in the midst of getting ready for a new baby, but I should be able to answer the first four questions before Stafford comes. If I am able, I will answer more questions too. 

Do you have a question for a Teatime Conversations post? You may email it to me at RachelLundy(at)cranberryteatime(dot)com, or you can send it in anonymously through the form here.

Reader Question: Hi! What are the best and hardest things about being a mom?

There are many things I love about being a mom. I love children, and I really enjoy spending time with my kids. As energy permits, I love to play games with them, read with them, talk with them, and simply enjoy their company.

I love watching my children grow up, learn new things, and become more independent. But I also love the little stage, and I am looking forward to having a little one again next year. Holding a baby is a special thing, and I love the toddler age too. Toddlers say the funniest things, and toddler quotes are something my family is looking forward to enjoying! I think it will be fun to begin the baby stage again while also raising elementary and middle school age children.

It is such a privilege to raise a child to know, love, and serve God. Seeing a child come to know Jesus, and then grow in their relationship with Him, is a wonderful thing. It is a joy to have a front row seat to seeing God work in a child's life, and it is an honor to be able to have an impact for the Kingdom through the work of parenting.

One of the hardest things for me about being a mom is the total exhaustion and limitations that come with motherhood and chronic illness. I wish I could be a healthy, active mom. I wish I could volunteer at my children's school. I wish I could be a chaperone for field trips. I wish I could get up in the morning, make breakfast for my children, and send them off to school. It still grieves my heart to not be able to do those things.

I remember a time when Adelaide was about two years old, and she wanted so much to be with me, but I was too tired to let her come be with me in bed. She was a very active toddler, and she would not have been able to be still and silent like I needed that day. Will had to close the bedroom door and keep Adelaide out. She didn't understand. She just knew that she wanted to be with her mom, and I heard her crying for me outside of the door. As a mom that was incredibly hard to know my daughter wanted me, but that I was not able to meet her needs.

It is hard to always know what to do as a parent in various situations, but that can be a good thing too! It keeps me humble and reminds me of my need for God, His strength, and His wisdom. Motherhood is hard work, but it is worth it. The souls of our children are worth it. God's glory is worth it.


And now we would love to hear from you! If you are a mom, what would you say are the best and hardest things about being a mom? If you have a chronic illness, how does that affect your role as a mother?

The Best Surprise

I’m not one who likes surprises. Pretty much ever. If you want to give me a bad birthday present, just throw me a surprise birthday party (please don’t).

But this surprise… oh, this one is good!

We found out this summer that God is blessing us with another child! What a wonderful, happy surprise. We have a little boy on the way, and his name is Stafford. Lord willing, he will be arriving in March.

Life is going to get harder; that is true! But a new baby is most certainly a happy and good surprise. God is the creator and giver of life, and children are always a blessing from Him. We are grateful that God has chosen us to take care of Stafford and raise this child for His honor and glory.

Raised in Glory

So is it with the resurrection of the dead. What is sown is perishable; what is raised is imperishable. It is sown in dishonor; it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness; it is raised in power… Just as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the man of heaven.  

1 Corinthians 15:42-43, 49

My children never knew me when I was healthy and able-bodied. I have been chronically ill since before they were born, so all they have known is a mom who is tired, weak, and needs to rest in bed for most of the day. When they were young, this seemed normal to them. As they grew older, they began to see that other moms could go on walks with their children, take them to the playground, and spend more time working and playing at home.

It saddens my children to have to miss out on doing many things with me, and it grieves me as well. This struggle has provided wonderful opportunities to talk with my children about Heaven, the New Earth, and the life that awaits believers there (Revelation 21). My children and I grieve the things we cannot do together today, but we also dream about things we will one day be able to do together on the New Earth. We have plans for camping, hiking, climbing mountains, playing at the beach, and more!

A couple of weeks ago we celebrated the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. When Jesus died on the cross and rose again, He secured for us salvation from our sins, eternal life, and the redemption of our bodies. Christ rose from the dead, and one day we will be raised too. What great hope this gives to all who believe!

While on this earth, we groan and grieve as we experience suffering caused by disabilities, illnesses, and special needs. Maybe you have a child with special needs, and you hurt to see the struggles your child faces in life. Perhaps you are caring for aging parents, and you are saddened by the increasing weakness and frailty they endure. Maybe you live with a disability, and you dream of the day you will be able to walk or use your hands again in Heaven. Maybe you look forward to one day being able to speak or hear or see.

We currently live in bodies affected by the curse, and we await the redemption of our bodies. One day all who have believed on the Lord Jesus Christ will be raised in glory, just as Christ was raised from the dead on Easter Sunday. These bodies that are now filled with weakness will one day be raised in power (1 Corinthians 15:42-43).

The hope of resurrection is one of the things that encourages my family and me to persevere through the hard days of disability. This suffering in bodies affected by illness and disability will not last forever. The redemption of our bodies is coming (Romans 8:23)!

What encourages you on the hard days of disability? How does the resurrection give you hope? What is something you want to do someday in your resurrected body on the New Earth?

This article was originally posted on The Irresistible Church.

Live Full, Walk Free {Guest Post and Giveaway}

I am delighted to welcome Cindy Bultema to Cranberry Tea Time! Cindy is an author, speaker, blogger, prayer warrior, and encourager. I met her through social media a couple of years ago, and the Lord used her to encourage me during some very hard days that year. She has been a blessing in my life, and it is a pleasure to have her here today.

Last month, Cindy's new Bible study, Live Full, Walk Free, was released. It is a study based in the book of 1 Corinthians. I enjoyed going through this Bible study in recent weeks. I learned a lot about the book of 1 Corinthians and the ancient city of Corinth. I was challenged and encouraged by the study and by Cindy's personal testimony.

Here is Cindy with a sneak peek at Chapter 2 of Live Full Walk Free:

Unite Don’t Fight

“I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.”
1 Corinthians 1:10

Bullying stinks!

I don’t know about you, but when my kids are the ones being picked on, Mama feels all the feelings. I’m talking anger, hurt, and, in this particular case, bafflement, at who was doing the bullying and who didn’t step in to stop it.

My youngest daughter had a bit of a lisp, and some of the boys on the school bus were making of her. They would tease her, call her names, and mimic her talking with her lisp, of course exaggerating. Spit actually flew from their middle school mouths to my little girl’s face!

She came home in a puddle of humiliation.

I wanted to climb aboard the yellow bus like a mildly deranged mama bear and have a swipe or two at those hooligans, but of course, I restrained myself. (I aspire to be sanely involved with my children’s conflicts.) I prayed for grace, forgiveness, and wisdom, because the main instigator was the son of a friend. Yikes!

And my son was a witness to what had been happening to his sister.

“Sweetie, what did you do when those mean boys were picking on her?”

My usually reliable son averted his eyes and lowered his head.

“Nothing.”

Sweet Molasses! I wanted to jump out of my skin. But motherhood is all about gulping those deep breaths and praying those ‘Help me, now!’ prayers. “Nothing? You watched your sister get spit on and you did nothing? Help me understand.”

Before he could respond, I kept going (as moms do):

“Honey, we belong to the same family—we are Bultemas. We stick together. Family doesn’t stand by and do nothing when our sister or our brother needs help. Family members take care of each other.”

I was trying to teach my son about family, about unity and how to pursue it in our broken, hurting world.

The bus drama with my daughter sparked negative emotions in me, but it was also an opportunity to remember I am called to pursue unity, with bullies and moms of bullies, and with my siblings in Christ.

“Unity” is kind of a churchy word, but like Paul said in 1 Corinthians 1:10, it just means agreeing with one another, with no divisions, no conflict. (“Division” in ancient Greek has a connotation of ripping or tearing fabric, so literally Paul begged the church members in Corinth to not be ripped apart.)

But…drama and conflict come up all the time—can I get a witness?

It pops up with friends, kids, siblings, and between husbands and wives. It flares on the playground, the workplace, the big yellow school bus.

We can’t avoid conflict, but we do get to choose how to deal with it. Do we make the rip worse or do we do all we can to mend, to heal?

When he wrote his letter, Paul knew the local church in this Greek city was a hot mess of overblown drama and bitter contention. Four cliques had formed—Team Paul, Team Apollos, Team Cephas (or Peter), and Team Jesus, a group which boasted that they were above all the petty squabbling. Each was sure they were right and everyone else was wrong. (Sound familiar in our current culture?) Church members were even suing each other!

I love how Paul writes his letter with a pastor’s heart, using family language. No less than twenty times Paul addresses his “brothers and sisters,” his “adelphos” in Greek. His loving yet firm tone is one we might use if we were going out for coffee with a sibling or a friend who had lost their way. “Oh, friend…I love you, but this has got to stop.”

Let…“there be no divisions among you,” Paul writes.

No drama.

No he said/she said.

No spitting on each other.

No hurting each other!

“…be perfectly united in mind and thought.”

Build each other up.

Gently, patiently, kindly.

At peace.

Get up ev’rybody and sing!

Okay, so that last line is not technically in the verse, but this whole discussion of getting along in the family of God gives me a flashback to fourth grade. The roller rink, my Shaun Cassidy satin jacket and bell bottom jeans. And “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge:

“We are family

I got all sisters with me

We are family

Get up ev-rybody and sing!”

Great song, and even greater message.

By the way, the instigator in my girl’s bus drama? With his mom’s encouragement, he came over and apologized, giving my daughter a bookstore gift card he bought with his own money. Grace ruled, and harmony was restored.

Life delivers many reasons to be at odds with our sisters (and our brothers). Let’s look for ways to be at one with them, instead. Let’s also look for ways to be family to each other, to stand up for each other as dearly loved daughters and sons of a Good Father. Because family takes care of each other, always.

Lord, forgive us for believing the lies of the enemy that tear us apart as your own children. Help us be peacemakers, drama diffusers, and restorers in every way. Thank You that you designed us for unity. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Cindy’s latest Bible study, Live Full Walk Free: Set Apart in a Sin-Soaked World was released in December 2016. Visit her blog to watch the study trailer, and download a FREE sample chapter and set of A-Z scripture cards: http://www.cindybultema.com/live-full-walk-free/

With nearly 20 years of ministry experience, Cindy is a popular women’s speaker, author, and Bible teacher. But don’t let her cheerful smile fool you—Cindy has endured single parenting, overcome bondage to addiction, and survived tragic loss. Cindy lives in Michigan with her husband and their four kids. Most days you can find Cindy walking her beagle Rocky, attending one of her boys’ hockey games, or serving hot lunch at her kids’ school. Connect with Cindy at www.cindybultema.com.

Thomas Nelson has offered to give away a Live Full, Walk Free Bible study book to one of you! You may enter using the Rafflecopter form below! The winner will be notified by email. Please note, this giveaway is open to US residents only.

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