A few years
ago I fainted after church, and I had to spend a half hour recovering on the
floor with my legs propped up. It is lonely and strange to be lying on the
floor in a busy place while the world goes on around you. When William found me
after children’s church let out, he immediately came over and lay down on the
floor next to me and wouldn’t leave my side. He didn’t want to talk to anyone
else. He didn’t want to play on the playground with other children. He just
wanted to be with me.
Later on
that evening, I told William thank you for lying down on the floor with me and
for keeping me company at church. He said, “Well, if I didn’t then you
would have been lying on the floor all by yourself just staring at the
ceiling!” It was the sweetest and funniest comment! William never
considered doing anything but lying down on the floor with me. He wanted to
enter into my world of limitations so that I would not suffer alone.
For someone
with a chronic illness, a room full of people, a picnic, a party, or a
conference can be a lonely place. You may notice that at church services or in
social gatherings, some people with chronic illness remain seated. They may not
have the luxury of walking around, standing, and visiting with those around them.
It could be that they are in too much pain to stand for more than a minute or
two. They may have trouble with balance, making it difficult to walk in a
crowd. Maybe they are able to get around with a wheelchair or a walker, but
assistive devices do not easily fit through a crowd. Perhaps your friend stays
in the corner because brain fog has made conversation impossible on that
particular day.
Whatever
your friend’s chronic illness may be, it affects the ways in which she is able to engage with
the world around her. It affects her interactions with people. She sits to the
side, or perhaps she sits at home, alone, while the world goes by around her.
What can you
do for the friend whose limitations isolate her from those around her? You can
enter into her world of limitations. You can meet her in her suffering,
foregoing other pleasures simply for the pleasure of being in your friend’s
company. You can sacrifice some of your freedom to be with her so that she does
not suffer alone. Are you wondering how to do that? Here are some ideas for
ways you can limit yourself in order to serve your friend right where she is:
- If she has
to sit off to the side at a party, sit with her for a long time. Don’t just
say, “Hello,” as you pass by.
- If you are
sitting next to her in church, stay seated with her when everyone else stands
to sing.
- When she is
too tired, or too brain fogged, to do much talking after church, be the one who
stays next to her and sits quietly so that she has company.
- When you
invite her family over for supper, ask about food restrictions and then cook
from a menu that she can fully enjoy. For one evening, join her in her food
restrictions.
- If your
friend cannot play the games at a party, choose to sit out of the games
yourself, and go sit with your friend so that she will not be alone.
- Ask your
friend to attend a conference with you, even if it means that you will have to
miss some of the conference sessions in order to help care for her needs.
- If she
cannot sit at a table for a meal, join her wherever she is able to sit or
recline.
- Ask your friend about her struggles so that you can better
understand the things you cannot enter into.
Stepping
away from some of the conveniences of living a healthy life, and stepping into
your friend’s world of limitations, will show her how much you care about her and
value her friendship. It will also help you to understand, in a small way, what
life is like for her.
A couple of
years ago my family was at a picnic with about 10 other families. I was so
thankful for cool weather so that I could be outside with friends, but going to
a picnic is hard work when you can’t walk very far. I was not able to wheel
myself around in my wheelchair very much because the ground was too bumpy, and
my arms were too weak. I also couldn’t sit up for an extended period of time,
so I sat in my lounge chair, which allowed me to recline and keep my feet
propped up.
It was so
enjoyable to be outside at the picnic, but it was impossible for me to mingle
and visit with everyone. I couldn’t walk around to talk with different people
or join in the outdoor games. Instead I sat in my lounge chair under a tree and
watched the activity going on all around me. I watched the children playing on
the playground. I watched the men gather to talk. I watched the women play a
game and talk and laugh together. I was alone in a crowd of people.
And then a
friend came over and sat next to me. She didn’t just stop to say, “Hi,” or chat
for a brief minute. She came, and she stayed. She entered into my world of
limitations. She chose not to join the games and laughter across the way, and
instead she chose to be with me. It was just what I needed: a friend to join me
for a time in the limitations of my life with a chronic illness.
Jesus: Our Ultimate Example
When you
enter into your friend’s world, you are following the example of Christ. He is
God, yet He chose to limit Himself. He chose to enter into our world and our
limitations. He entered into time and space, and He took on the limitations of
the human body. He became tired and hungry. He faced temptation. He was mocked
and scorned. He suffered with us and for us. He came because we needed Him. He
came to save us from our sins and to redeem us as His own!
"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." Philippians 2:4-11
Let’s hear from you!
What are
some suggestions of other ways you can enter into your friend’s world of
limitations? If you have a chronic illness, what is one way in which you wish a
friend would enter into your world?
First image from ErikSöderström. Adapted by Rachel Lundy.
Second image from la fattina.
I am excited to share with you the Chronic Illness and Friendship ebook! Whether you have a friend with a chronic illness, or you have a chronic illness yourself, this book is for you. In this book you will find ideas for how you can reach out to new friends and how you can better serve the friends God has already placed in your life. 
