5:00 AM Fears

It was 5 a.m. My husband, Will, and I woke to a clattering sound in the apartment. Soon we heard sobbing, and we watched as our youngest came running into our bedroom. 

"Gresham!" I called to him, and he ran to my side of the bed. I scooped him up in my arms and brought him into bed with my husband and me. As I tucked him tight against my side, I asked, "Did you have a bad dream?"

But Gresham was too sleepy to answer. Instead, he snuggled close as his tears subsided, and he relaxed into me. He had brought his fears to the right place, and all was well again. He stayed in our bed for the rest of the night, thankful for the comfort of Mom on one side and Dad on the other.

When nightmares come in the night, my son knows just what to do. He runs to his parents where he knows that he will find safety and comfort. He doesn't remain in his bed, trying to face his fears alone. He doesn’t tough it out and try to fix it on his own. No, he comes to us with his fears right away. He lets us comfort him and give him courage. Once Gresham was in my arms, his fears were gone. He knew he was safe.

As I lay in bed awake that night, I marveled at the example of trust my son had shown to me. I considered my own behavior. When something frightens me, am I as quick to run to the Lord with my fears and anxieties? Or do I first take time to worry and try to solve the problem by myself, running to God only if I don’t think I can fix it on my own? Oh, how I want to be like little Gresham and immediately run to my Heavenly Father and tell Him what concerns me!

Tim Keller has said, “The only person who dares wake up a king at 3:00 a.m. for a glass of water is a child. We have that kind of access.” Gresham has that kind of access to his parents in the middle of the night. And we have that kind of access to our Heavenly Father, the King of the universe. What an immense privilege! It is one that we best not neglect.

When Gresham needed help in the night, he had to wake me up before I could offer comfort. But thankfully, we have a God who never slumbers or sleeps. We do not have to wake Him up before we can pour out our hearts to Him. He is always there, always ready to listen to our cries for help.

Our Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to call to Him. If I, an imperfect human, love my son and want him to come to me in the middle of the night when he is afraid, how much more does God love us, His children, and want us to come running to Him when we are afraid and needy? The writer of Hebrews said, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16, ESV). There is always help to be found at the throne of grace.

Moreover, we are told not to be “anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7, ESV). Indeed, we are exhorted to cast all of our anxieties on Him because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). What a blessing to have a God who is ready to hear our fears and give us peace!

Today, if fears and worries assail you, don’t waste time trying to power through hardship on your own. First, go running to your Heavenly Father. Pour out your heart to Him. The God of all comfort is waiting for you. Let Him carry you through whatever worries you have today. He has grace and mercy to help you in your time of need.

Photo by samira sadeqi on Unsplash

A Day in the Life

It has been too long since I last wrote a Day in the Life post! They have become a reader favorite, and I haven't written one since 2018. My days look a lot different now than they did five years ago, so I decided I needed to write an updated Day in the Life. I took detailed notes and a few pictures throughout a day in February to show you what an average school day looks like for me right now. I do my best to take care of the little boys while the kids are at school and Will is at work. 

My weekends look much different than what you see here. On the weekends I sleep in late and stay in bed for the majority of the day. It is my time to get caught up on rest so that I can take care of the little boys again come Monday.

A Day in the Life
Wednesday, February 1, 2023

6:00 am - I wake up too early because my legs are cold. I pull out my heating pad and put it on my legs to warm up. I am unable to fall back to sleep quickly, so I spend time praying.

6:30 - Will gets up for the day. The big kids get up, too, and get ready for school. I still haven't fallen back to sleep, so I pull out my phone, and I listen to two chapters in the book of Joshua. Then I switch to the book of 1 John. I fall asleep somewhere in the epistles. I wake up and find that I am in Revelation chapter 10. I turn it off and quickly fall back to sleep.

8:00 - I hear some quiet noises over the baby monitor, and they wake me up. I can tell that Stafford is getting up and going out to the kitchen. Will takes care of him in the morning so that I can sleep in a little longer.

8:15 - I hear some noise from Gresham over the baby monitor. He doesn't usually wake up this early. I am so tired, and my body is not ready to get up yet. I pray for help. I tell God that I am tired and that I feel like I can't do this. I ask for strength. Gresham is silent again, and I think he went back to sleep. I go back to sleep too.

9:00 - Gresham is definitely awake now, so it is time for me to wake up and start moving. It is easier to wake up this time. I am thankful for the extra bit of sleep. God answered my prayer for help and strength! I take my midodrine. It is a medication that helps to prevent blood pooling, and I need to take it and wait for it to take effect before I get out of bed. While waiting for my midodrine to start working I eat my first part of breakfast, a small bunch of grapes waiting in a container by my bed. While I eat breakfast I practice a German lesson on Duolingo.

9:25 - I finally feel well enough to get up. I make the bed, and I get my clothes for the day. I check the temperature on my phone. Today it is chilly. It is 11 degrees below zero outside, so I grab sweatpants and a thermal shirt. 

9:30 - I cross the hall to Gresham's room, and I see his happy, smiling face greeting me. He has been playing contentedly in his bed while waiting for me to come get him. I get Gresham up, change his diaper, and we both get dressed for the day.

9:45 - Gresham asks for music, so I find JJ Heller. I like her soft and soothing music, but Gresham asks for Bruno instead, so we listen to We Don't Talk about Bruno. It is his current favorite song.

9:50 - The windows in the living room and office have moisture on them because it is so cold outside today, so I take a few minutes to wipe the windows off.

10:00 - It is time to make breakfast for Gresham and myself. I need to keep the meal preparation very quick and easy, so I make instant oatmeal for both of us. I pour some milk for Gresham, and I prepare a cup of tea for myself.

10:10 - Breakfast is ready. I put Gresham in his booster seat on the living room floor. I sit on floor in front of him. Sitting on the floor is easier for me than sitting at the kitchen table, so Gresham and I almost always have breakfast on a blanket on the floor. I pray before we eat. I thank God for the food, and I ask Him for strength to take care of the little boys. Then Gresham and I eat together.

10:15 - Will texts me to ask if Stafford can come up. Will is working in his office in the basement, and Stafford has been downstairs with him. But Stafford wants to be upstairs with his brother now.

10:20 - Stafford comes upstairs and asks to listen to Yurgen's Tune. It is a song he has been working on learning.

10:25 - Stafford is hungry, so I make some oatmeal for him too.

10:40 - We have all finished eating. I get breakfast dishes picked up while the boys play.

10:45 - Stafford goes to play music in his bedroom. Gresham and I read books. Gresham is currently enrolled in a program called 1,000 Books Before Kindergarten, so we have been counting the books we read to him. He is close to 700 books now. 

10:50 - Stafford comes out with his ukulele. He reads some books with us.

11:05 - Gresham plays with the ukulele and Stafford reads and sings. I get a snack for Stafford because he needs some more food before going to preschool.

11:10 - I get a text from a friend. I pray for her while getting clothes out for Stafford. Then I help Stafford get dressed for school.

11:25 - Gresham and Stafford start tumbling on the floor and playing with the sofa cushions. I let them jump and play while I pick up the books and put them back in the book basket.

11:40 - Will comes upstairs from work. We get Stafford bundled up, and Will takes him to preschool. Gresham climbs on sofa cushions, blankets, and pillows on the floor. I lie down to rest on the portion of the sofa that still has cushions.

11:50 - Gresham comes over to snuggle and talk. 

12:00 - Will comes home. He puts away dishes and makes lunch. Kitchen noise is painful for my ears, so I hide out from the noise in the bedroom. While I am in the bedroom I put away laundry and pray for friends who are going through hard things today.

12:20 - Will comes back to let me know it is safe to go back out to the living room.

12:25 - I get the living room picked up and get the blanket spread out for lunch. We we sit down to eat.

12:45 - We finish eating, and I get Gresham wiped up. Will cleans up the dishes and the kitchen. I lie down on the sofa to rest, and Gresham plays in the Spiderman helmet. The toddler vibes are strong with this one!

12:55 - I trim Gresham's nails while Will gathers his things and gets ready to go to the office for the afternoon. We say goodbye to Will before he heads out the door.

1:05 - Gresham and I get ready for naptime. We brush our teeth. Then we go to his bedroom and read two books. I pray, I sing Jesus Loves Me, and I turn on the lullaby CD. Then I say nighty-night. Gresham is great about going down for a nap. He will talk to himself, or rest quietly in his bed, until he falls asleep.

1:25 - I crawl into my own bed. I take my lunch time vitamins and some ibuprofen for a headache. I'm not up for much reading. I read a few pages in a little book by Randy Alcorn called Seeing the Unseen, and then I go to sleep.

2:15 - I wake up. I didn't have a very long nap, but I am grateful for the sleep. I continue resting in bed while Gresham sleeps. 

3:15 - I get up out of bed. Will brings Stafford home from preschool, and then he goes back to work. Stafford shows me what is in his backpack. He came home with Mr. Bear! We get to have Mr. Bear hang out with us for the rest of the week, and we will write about his adventures in his journal.

3:25 - We snuggle on the sofa for rest time. Stafford watches Wild Kratts, and I read my Bible.

3:30 - William and Adelaide come home from school. We talk for a couple of minutes, and then they go do their homework, and I go back to reading my Bible.

3:45 - I hear Gresham start to stir. I let him wake up and jabber in his bed for a few minutes.

3:55 - Stafford has finished resting. He gets up to play.

4:05 - I get Gresham up from his nap, and I get a snack for the boys.

4:15 - I realize that I never took midodrine after my nap. I take it right away when I remember.

4:25 - The boys have finished their snack. I wipe hands and faces and pick up the dishes.

4:30 - I check the mail. Gresham got a new book from the Imagination Library. He is excited about a new book! We sit down to read together.

4:50 - We finish reading. The boys play, and I rest on the sofa. My legs are tired from the day.

5:00 - Gresham wants to read again. We have read more than 30 books today!

5:05 - Stafford and Mr. Bear draw while Gresham and I read.

5:20 - Gresham is ready to run around and play again. I help Stafford with his drawing.

5:35 - Will comes home. We talk for a few minutes about our days and what we need to do this evening.

5:50 - Will takes care of the little boys and makes supper. I get a shower and go to bed. William and Adelaide leave for play practice at school.

6:20 - I lie down in bed. My legs are tired and uncomfortable from the day's work. I am grateful for rest. And I am thankful for the strength to take care of my Littles for another day. I lie in bed trying to decide what to do. I'm too tired to move or read, so I decide to watch a TV show.

6:40 - I realize that I am too tired for a TV show, so I listen to a podcast instead.

7:05 - Will brings supper to me. He cooked chicken, potatoes, and broccoli for supper tonight. I eat while lying down in bed.

7:25 - I finish eating. And I rest. I don't read or watch TV. I just lie still.

7:50 - I fall asleep.

8:00 - A reminder rings on my phone. I turn my sound off and immediately fall back asleep.

8:10 - I wake up. I text Will and a friend.

8:20 - I practice German on Duolingo.

8:45 - My eyes are tired, so I put down my phone.

8:50 - Will comes in to chat for a few minutes. Adelaide is home from play practice, and she is watching the boys. Will doesn't stay and talk for long because I am so tired.

9:15 - It is a later night than usual. Will has been working in the kitchen prepping meals for the next two days, but now he is ready to get the boys put to bed. Will gets Stafford ready, and Adelaide helps me get Gresham ready for bed. William works on cleaning dishes in the kitchen.

9:30 - Will and I take the little boys into their bedroom. Each boy picks out a book to read, and I read them both. I have lost count of books today, but I think this makes nearly 50 books that I have read to Stafford and/or Gresham! After reading, we tuck the boys into their beds. Will prays. Then he plays his guitar, and we sing Jesus Loves Me and give hugs and kisses good night.

9:50 - I come back to bed. Will and I talk for a few minutes, and then Will goes to tackle more things on his to do list for the night.

9:55 - Adelaide comes in to say good night.

10:00 - I turn on my laptop and work on some email.

10:03 - Stafford comes to tell me he can't find his soft, fuzzy blanket. I get up to help him find it. It is lying on the pillow in his bed. I tuck him back in and tell the boys good night again.

10:05 - I crawl back into bed to work on email again.

11:15 - I finish working on email. Will is ready for bed. We go through our night time routine together. Will helps me get my breakfast for the next morning, and he fills my water bottle. I get my night time ice pack. I will use the ice on my head for my headache, and then I will keep it in bed throughout the night in case my feet start burning and I need to put an ice pack on them. 

We brush our teeth together. We watch a TV show in bed, and then we pray together before saying goodnight and going to sleep. We are grateful for time together at the end of a busy day. It is a late night, but we accomplished the tasks before us. We are thankful to the Lord for this hard and happy life, and we are thankful for the strength to make it through another day.

Celebrating and Anticipating a Forever Party

 

This summer my family had a little party at home to celebrate the forever party yet to come! 

Joni Eareckson Tada has a new book called The Awesome Super Fantastic Forever Party. It is a wonderful, delightful book that tells about Heaven and the amazing invitation that Jesus offers.

I won a party box from The Good Book Company that included a free copy of the book, plus all the supplies needed for a little party. They included hats and horns and balloons, much to my children's delight! This new book and fun prize package made it easy to have a simple party at the end of the day.

I read The Awesome Super Fantastic Forever Party to my littles. Gresham lost interest fairly quickly, but the book held the attention of both Stafford and Adelaide.

The party box included games to play, decorations to make, and even an invitation that we could decorate. If you want to have a party too, you can find the printable party supplies for free here! Just scroll down to the bottom for links to the printable pages.

My family has often talked about Heaven over the years. We look forward to the day when there will be no more sickness or suffering or pain. This book gave us another opportunity to talk about Heaven and the life yet to come. If you have young children, The Awesome Super Fantastic Forever Party is a good way to help explain to them what Heaven will one day be like. This book will also help to open up deeper conversations about Jesus and salvation.

The Good Book Company has a video of Joni reading this new book! If you have little ones, maybe they will enjoy sitting with you and listening to the story!

Welcome, Baby Gresham!

Welcome Baby Gresham!

Our newest family member is here in our arms, and we are very happy! Gresham was 9 pounds, 5 ounces when he was born, and he was my next-to-smallest baby! I have been enjoying snuggling my little one.

We have had a busy couple of months in the Lundy home. We have been finishing up school, dealing with health challenges, and caring for a baby. Life is hard and wonderful all at once.

William and Adelaide have been a tremendous help to me in caring for Stafford and Gresham every day. I could not do this without them! All of our kids were home for school this year. William did a virtual academy, and Adelaide was home schooled. William and Adelaide took turns doing school work and caring for Stafford in the mornings. And then after Gresham was born, they also helped me care for him!

It has been quite a blessing to have their full-time help at home. If Gresham wakes up and wants to play, but I need to get more sleep, then I just call William. He comes to take the baby, and I go back to sleep. It has been an incredible gift! I am more rested during this postpartum time than I ever have been before. So while I am still tired, and I am kept busy with caring for four children, I am feeling better than I ever have at this point after pregnancy.

It has been hard for me to blog while caring for a baby, and I expect that my blog posts will probably continue to be sporadic over the next year or two as I care for a baby and then a toddler. But I still plan to keep this blog going, and I still plan to write and serve others online as the Lord provides the strength and opportunity.

Our kids are out of school for the summer, and we are looking forward to summer fun, time with cousins, time at camp, visits from family and friends, and hopefully some rest in there too! 

I hope you all have a wonderful summer! What are your plans?

Life with Three

Hello friends! I miss chatting with you regularly in this space. My time and energy is completely maxed out on most days, which leaves little strength or mental clarity for writing a blog post at the end of the day. I am still trying to figure out how to blog in this new season of life with three children. I need to remember to come here occasionally just to write a simple post or share a few pictures from daily life. I can probably manage that better than writing a “real” blog post. So today, here are a few pictures and thoughts on life with three!

Life was hard before we had Stafford. And adding another small member to the family has brought many more challenges. But it has also brought so much joy and laughter. We love having a little one in our family! I know we were happy before Stafford came along, but the happiness has been multiplied now by the simple addition of one family member.

Life with a baby, and now a toddler, has been a good and wonderful transition. It is hard, but it is totally worth it! I am so thankful that the Lord blessed us with this little one.

Someday I will be able to blog more often again. Meanwhile, I’m soaking up the time with my children, falling in bed tired at the end of the day, and thanking the Lord for the blessing of this good life.

Review: The Long Goodbye

One of my favorite bloggers was Kara Tippetts. She wrote at Mundane Faithfulness about motherhood and her journey with cancer. One of the things I appreciated so much about Kara was her absolute trust in God's sovereignty and in His good plan for her life, even though it wasn't the story she would have chosen.

Kara passed away four years ago, and her story is now being told through a new documentary, The Long Goodbye: The Kara Tippetts Story. This documentary follows her journey as cancer slowly takes her. It is a sad story to watch, and yet it is also full of hope and beauty because Kara knew Jesus.

Some of my favorite scenes in the film were ones where Kara was spending time with her children in whatever way she could, even when she was confined to bed. Those moments were especially encouraging to me as a mom with a disabling chronic illness. I am homebound and have to spend the majority of my time resting in bed, so being able to catch a glimpse of another mom who was loving her children while exhausted and confined to bed was very encouraging to me.

Kara sought to be kind even when grieving and in pain. She had such a hard story, but she lived it well, and she trusted in Jesus through it all. She is an example of how to live well, and how to die well.

My favorite quote from Kara in this documentary:

The world says I should be angry, that I should be shaking my fist at God. I didn’t think at 38 I’d be battling cancer, but I am, and so I need to find contentment in that place. I want to be able to share this story that suffering isn’t a mistake, and it isn’t the absence of God’s goodness because He’s present in pain.

The documentary is very well done. I highly recommend it. It is sad and wonderful and hope-filled. It will help you to keep your eyes on Jesus as you persevere through whatever hard thing you have been called to endure.

The Long Goodbye

(If you are reading this in an email, you may click over to the blog to view the trailer.)

The documentary is available on DVD and digital. The DVD is my favorite of the two formats because it has bonus features with Joanna Gaines, Joni Eareckson Tada, and Ann Voskamp. You can find the DVD on Amazon, CBD, Barnes & Noble, and Lifeway. The digital version can be found on Amazon, christiancinema.com, Google Play, iTunes, and Vudu.

Photos are courtesy of Jay Lyons Productions.

One Year with a Baby

We have made it through the first year with Stafford! It has been hard - full of challenges and tears and tired days. But it has also been full of joy and blessings. Our cup overflows.

Here is a little peek into our past year...

Baby snuggles are the best.

My Three Children

Sleepy Baby, Tired Mama

Six Weeks Old

Bow Tie Tuesday!

Stafford has been the snuggliest of my three babies. He wanted to be held almost constantly for the first few months of his life.

Stafford napped in William's arms quite a lot last summer!

Dressing up!

Hermione, Legolas, and Yoda.

Best gift of 2018!

Stafford loves to play guitar with his daddy.

10 Months Old

Happy First Birthday, Stafford!

We love having a toddler in our family again! Stafford brings much happiness and laughter to our home. It has been a hard year, but we are thankful for the gift Stafford is to all of us. We are also very thankful for the help we have received from family and friends over the past year, because we could not have done this on our own!

---

I am hoping to be able to blog again this year. My body is tired, and my muscles are weak, so my posts may be very short or infrequent, but I'm going to give it a try! Let me know if there is something in particular you would like me to write about in the coming months.

How are you doing? What have you been up to this past year?

Introducing Stafford

I am happy to announce that our little Stafford is here! He is a sweet and content baby, and he loves to be snuggled and held. We thank the Lord for this precious gift.

Stafford was 8 pounds, 10 ounces when he was born. He was my smallest baby! It has been fun to have a "tiny" baby for the first time.

We are thrilled to have Stafford in our arms now! We are exhausted too. Life is hard, but we are doing pretty well, and we are adjusting to life with a newborn.

William and Adelaide are great as big brother and big sister. They are a help to us, and they love to hold their baby brother. Stafford loves to spend time with them too.

Will continues on with law school, work, and taking care of his family. He is sleep deprived, but somehow he manages to keep things running here at home. Thankfully the end of the semester is coming up soon, and the break from school will enable Will to get more sleep. We are really looking forward to summer when he won't have homework to do every night.

My recovery is going as well as can be expected. I am very tired, and I don't think that will go away anytime soon. My doctor's orders are to do nothing but rest, recover, and take care of my baby. So for now I am mostly just eating, sleeping, and feeding Stafford. It's an exhausting, wonderful, hard, and happy life.

I had a C-section with Stafford, so I was in a lot of pain for the first two weeks. I still have pain, and will for quite some time, but it isn't too bad anymore. The nice thing about having a C-section is that my body doesn't get exhausted from labor and delivery. This allows me more time to hold my baby and enjoy him in the newborn stage. I get to wear myself out taking care of a baby instead of wearing myself out going through labor.

So far I have not had a bad crash, and I am thankful for that. I know it will become much harder for me to take care of Stafford once he is mobile and no longer sleeping all day. There are probably still some very hard days ahead. I'm trying not to think about that for now. I'm trying to take it one day at a time and enjoy these moments as best I can.

I love holding Stafford and taking care of him. I am thankful that I have been able to do quite a bit of the baby care so far. I can feel my arms and legs becoming weaker from all of the exertion, but it is worth it. And whatever crash may come -- this baby is worth it.

God has been so good to us. He has blessed us with another child, and He has provided the extra help we need. My parents were here to help out when Stafford was born, and they will be coming again this spring to help out for a while. Our church and friends have provided help as well. As my needs increase there are some who are willing to step in and help out more.

And you, dear readers, have been an encouragement to me. Thank you for your prayers and support during this time of welcoming a new baby into our family.

I won’t be able to blog again for a long time, but I do hope to share short updates on Instagram and Facebook. You are welcome to check in with me there. You are also still welcome to email me. I do appreciate every email, but I likely won't be able to reply, and I thank you for understanding.

I don't know when I will start blogging again, or if I will be able to write regularly once I do start writing again. If you would like, you may subscribe here so that you receive an email whenever I publish a new post.

I am thankful for you, dear reader and friend. Thank you for being here at Cranberry Tea Time. Thank you for sharing in the joy of the birth of Stafford!

Teatime Conversations: Ideas and Resources for Chronically Ill Mother and Daughter

Reader Question: I'm a solo mother with a chronic illness. I can't work in paid employment, but am still able to help my 14 year old daughter homeschool. She has been getting sick, tired, suffering from chronic pain, and we are in the process of getting a diagnosis. I want to be able to lighten her burden and have more fun with her as she is very mature for her age, but has had to shoulder a huge burden over these years. I've been trying to think of things I can do with the limited energy we have that would be fun, lighten her load and mood, or just make things easier for her. I've been working slowly on decluttering and setting up systems to use less energy, watching movies together, helping her sew upcycled clothes and so on, and listen to her as much as I can. If you could offer any ideas, resources, and so on, I'd be grateful :) Thank you.

My heart goes out to you, friend. It sounds like both you and your daughter are facing a lot of challenges. Living with a chronic illness is hard enough, and being a single parent on top of that must be even more physically challenging. You and your daughter have been in my prayers today.

That is wonderful that you are able to homeschool your daughter. What a good gift to give to her. With her chronic illness, it is probably especially helpful for her to be at home for school. I can tell that you love your daughter very much and that you are doing all you can to serve her and take good care of her. You are a loving and courageous mom.

I have been brainstorming lately to think of fun things you can do with your daughter and practical things that might make life easier. I’ve also been thinking about other organizations that might have resources, help, or practical tips for you. I hope some of my readers will chime in with their ideas too!


Fun things to do together:

• Start a simple book club. This could be just the two of you reading and discussing a book together. Or if you are up for it, you could invite another mother and daughter to join you in reading a book and then coming over to your home to discuss it.
• Do a Bible study together. Like a book club, this could be something for just you and your daughter, or you could invite another mother and daughter to join you for a regular Bible study.
• Watch a True Woman conference. I have always enjoyed these conferences and the ability to watch from home. This year’s True Woman conference will be September 27-29, and they always offer an online live-stream for free. You and your daughter could attend a conference together from the comfort of your home! Revive Our Hearts also makes all of their main speaker sessions available for free online, so you can watch sessions from past year’s conferences too.
• Attend a Joni and Friends family retreat. I don’t know if this would be too exhausting for you and your daughter. I have never been to a Joni and Friends family retreat, but I have heard so many good things about them. Maybe there would be a family retreat close enough that you could attend. There is a cost for the week, but Joni and Friends also offers scholarships, and that might help to make it affordable. 
• Start a blog. If you and your daughter enjoy writing, you could start a blog together. The two of you would have a unique perspective to offer as a mother and daughter who are facing chronic illness together. Or you could write a blog that has nothing to do with chronic illness. Maybe you could share about the upcycled clothing items you are making. You could take pictures and make tutorials for those who want to learn how to alter clothing and make something new.
• Try new crafts together. YouTube has lots of tutorial videos for crafts. Maybe there is a new craft you and your daughter would enjoy together – perhaps knitting, crocheting, painting, quilting, or card making.
• Try out a new board game or card game. Cribbage is one of my favorite games. Pente is another fun game for two people. Maybe there are new-to-you games that you and your daughter would enjoy.
• Participate in a service project. Is there something you and your daughter could do from home to serve others? It could be praying for the needs in your church, praying for a ministry you want to support, sending cards to others in your church or community who need encouragement, making baby hats to donate to your local hospital, or making a blanket for an elderly or chronically ill person in your church.
• Watch television or movies together. You did mention this in your message to me, but I think it is worth repeating. There are many days with chronic illness when brain fog and fatigue make it impossible to read, do a craft, or do anything that requires much thinking. Sometimes watching tv is a wise use a of time. And if that is what you need to do with your daughter, then enjoy your time together watching tv!

Tools for making life easier:

I don’t know exactly what your needs and your daughter’s needs are, but here are some tools that have been helpful for me. Maybe they would be for the two of you as well.

• A lap desk. Having a lap desk has made it much easier for me to use my laptop computer while in bed or in my recliner.
• A recliner. I do many things from my recliner – read, eat, scrapbook, work on taxes, talk, rest, and look outside. On the “bad days”, a recliner can enable me to be out in the living room with my family for a short time when I might otherwise have to be in bed.
• A Kindle. There are days when my arms are too tired to hold open a book, but I am able to still read if I have my kindle. I can prop up the kindle, and then all I have to do to turn the page is a simple tap on the screen. 
• Shower stool. A shower stool makes showers less exhausting. If fainting is a risk, it can also help to lessen that risk. 
• Mobility aids. A seat cane, wheelchair, and/or walker can make getting around the house easier. I have all three of these, and I use them at different times in the day depending on what my needs and energy levels are in the moment.

Resources for further help:

• Joni and Friends response department. Joni and Friends does an excellent job in encouraging and supporting those affected by disability. You can contact Joni and Friends to ask for prayer, encouragement, information, resources, and more. They always send a kind, helpful, and gracious reply.
• Online chronic illness community. There are ideas and support to be found through the chronic illness community online. This can be through blogs, Facebook groups, and websites and online forums for specific illnesses. If you are interested, you can find some of my favorite blogs, books, websites, and forums on the Resources page.
• Your local church. I don't know if you have a good local church or not. If you do, it would be helpful to let your elders and deacons know of the struggles you and your daughter are facing. The church may be able to offer some practical help or sponsor you to attend a Joni and Friends family retreat. If you aren't part of a local church, I recommend looking for a good church near you. 9Marks has a helpful online church searching tool. 
• Local Joni and Friends office. Your regional Joni and Friends office may be able to share about local help and resources. They may also be able to help connect you with a local church that has programs available for people with a chronic illness or disability.
• Independent Living Center. Your local Independent Living Center may have ideas for resources in your area. Sometimes they also have durable medical equipment they can loan to you if you need it.

Cranberry Tea Time friends - we would love to hear from you! What ideas do you have for fun things this mom and daughter can do together? What things might make life easier for them? What resources have you found helpful??

Preparing for Stafford: Your Questions

Over the past few months I have received several messages and questions about preparing for Stafford from readers and friends who live far away. People have been wondering what they can do to help if they don't live nearby.

I thought there might be more questions, so I asked on Instagram and Facebook what questions you might have about preparing for Stafford, dysautonomia and pregnancy, etc, and y’all came up with a lot of questions! Today I am here to answer them. This will be lengthy, but feel free to skip over any question you aren’t interested in.

If you missed any of the other posts in the Preparing for Stafford series, you can find them here:

• Preparing for Stafford and Stepping Away from Blogging
• Preparing for Stafford: The Fun Stuff
• Preparing for Stafford: The Hard Stuff

How do doctors handle labor and delivery when someone has dysautonomia?

It varies a lot from one doctor to another and from one patient to another. Some doctors are nervous about it; others are ready to take on the challenge. Some women with dysautonomia do well during pregnancy; others get worse during pregnancy. One doctor told me that some women with dysautonomia choose to have a C-section because it won’t require the physical exertion of labor. Other women want to do things as naturally as possible. If heart rate, blood pressure, and other symptoms are under control, from what I have heard, doctors will let a woman go through labor. However, they will probably monitor her more closely.

I don’t know many more specifics about how doctors handle labor and delivery with their dysautonomia patients, but I can share some from my personal experience. I have lived in a different place with each birth, so I had a different practitioner each time, and each one went about things a little differently.

I went to a Certified Nurse Midwife with William. She delivered in a hospital, and she worked closely with an OB and a high-risk OB, so I was very comfortable with the situation. When I had William I wanted to avoid all medications and interventions if possible because I didn’t know how my body would respond. I especially wanted to avoid an epidural because it can lower blood pressure, and mine was already low. 

After laboring through the night and all day long, I was so sleepy and fatigued that I couldn’t continue. The only options were to either get an epidural and take a nap or have a C-section. I opted for the epidural. I was also given Pitocin to help my uterus contract better. I’ve always wondered if it wasn’t contracting well because of my dysautonomia, but we really don’t know. Once the epidural kicked in, I took a nap, and just a few hours later William was born. It was tiring, but it all went very smoothly, and I didn’t have any complications with the epidural or Pitocin.

I went to an OB with Adelaide. The doctor referred me for a consult with a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist just in case, but after the MFM specialist gave her okay, I was allowed to stay with my OB for the remainder of my care. My OB also had me go for a consult with anesthesiology a month before my due date. She wanted them to be familiar with my illness before I went into labor.

My OB and I had planned to induce so that I could go into labor after a full night of sleep. We wanted to avoid the sleepless night that I’d had during my first delivery in order to help relieve some of the intense fatigue I experienced that time. However, Adelaide grew so big so fast that I had to have a C-section. The delivery and recovery went well. 

The first OB I went to when I was pregnant with Stafford was very uncomfortable with my dysautonomia. Having a doctor who was so nervous about my health conditions was unsettling, so I found a new OB. She is the sweetest doctor, and she gladly takes high-risk patients. She did refer me to a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist just to make sure it was okay for me to stay in her care. We received the okay from MFM, so I have continued in the care of this OB who has an interest in high-risk cases.

She is being extra cautious with me because of my age, dysautonomia, and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. The nice part about this is that I get to have a lot of ultrasounds! It is fun to have a peek into the womb every few weeks. If I feel well enough, I would like to try for a VBAC, but because of my age, a prior C-section, big babies, and EDS, it would be risky. My doctor is willing to let me take this risk, but I would be monitored closely throughout labor. 

Because it is risky for me to go into labor, I will need to go stay in a hotel close to the hospital when my due date gets close. I live a couple of hours away from the hospital, and it could be dangerous for me to be in labor on a long drive to the hospital since doctors wouldn't be nearby to intervene if needed.

I will likely end up having a C-section with Stafford. I can’t be induced because of EDS and my prior C-section. If my pregnancy goes past 40 weeks, Stafford will probably be so big that I would have to have a C-section anyway. My body may be tired, but it sure can grow big babies! I have been praying that if a VBAC is best for Stafford and me that I will go into labor early. And if I don’t, then I will trust that a C-section is the safest option for us.

Is your recovery time longer after childbirth?

Based on what I have seen and heard from other moms, it does take me significantly longer to recover from the lingering pain and exhaustion of childbirth. After William was born I couldn’t even get out of bed to pick him up or change his diaper. When Will wasn’t in the room, I had to call a nurse if William needed care. 

I had a C-section with Adelaide, and that made the initial exhaustion less than if I had gone through labor. However, the physical toll of taking care of a newborn soon tired me out anyway.

How will you deal with a newborn baby feeding all night long while having chronic illness? Will you bottle feed so others can help with that? 

We have always had to primarily bottle feed in the past. Based on my past experience, we will most likely be doing some bottle feeding early on, and we will probably have to switch to exclusive bottle feeding sometime in the first few months. 

When we had William, Will and I took turns feeding him at night. When we had Adelaide, I was only able to do night time feedings for the first two weeks. After that, Will did all of the midnight feedings.

Who is in your support team? You’ve mentioned you’ll be handing Stafford to others to care for. Do you get paid help or family/friends or a combination of both?

I will take care of Stafford as much as I possibly can, but I know that I will need significant help from others. We won’t have paid help, but we have received offers of help from friends and from our church. Our family will also be helping as they are able. Most of our extended family lives far away, so family help will be limited, but it will be there too. 

My parents will be coming up to help out for a while before and after Stafford arrives. They will also come to take care of the children and me while Will has to be gone for a week for the on-campus portion of law school this semester.

When we don’t have family living with us to help, local friends and our church family will be helping with meals and in-home care.

Do Will, William, and Adelaide have a good support system?

They do. We are pretty close as a family, and we talk to each other and support each other a lot. Our children will probably be more open with Will and me than they are with others, but they do have other friends and homes they can go to for an escape from the stress of severe illness if they need to. They also have a good school and amazing teachers, and they enjoy their time at school each week.

Will's dad and stepmom live nearby. Will has a very kind and understanding boss, and we are grateful for that. Our pastor also checks in with Will regularly to see how he is doing and if there is anything we need.

In terms of needing help, are there any options for people with disabilities, who have a child, for in-home help? What does your level of disability have to be? Or is there an option for subsidized daycare for someone with a disability?

As far as I know, there isn’t any help like this in my area. Anytime I have looked into it, both parents had to be working, or looking for work, in order to qualify for childcare assistance. Unfortunately, being disabled and unable to work does not qualify a parent for childcare assistance.

It sounds like you’ve let your church know, and your close friends know, what you need. I’d be curious to know what those things were that you asked for.

Back in September we told our church that we had a baby on the way. We also told a few people how hard life was now that Will had started law school. He was struggling to keep up with full-time work, school, and taking care of his family. It was impossible for him to do all that needed to be done. One of the deaconesses came to me and asked me to send her an email to let her know what we needed. I sent two long emails. The first email detailed what kind of help we needed right away. 

The needs that I mentioned in that first email were:

• Help with yard work
• Meals once or twice a week
• Someone to go grocery shopping for us
• Someone to take me for short errands in town
• Help with house cleaning
• Baby items (I had given away all of our baby items except for the few I kept for sentimental reasons.)

The second email gave details about my health, what a crash is like for me, what happened after William and Adelaide were born, and what kind of help I would likely need after Stafford is born.

The specific needs I mentioned in the second email were all of the same needs from the first email, plus:

• Women to come into my home to take care of both Stafford and me while Will is at work
• Help with nighttime feedings 

I also mentioned that I will not be able to have visitors after Stafford is born, and I explained that I will need to have a lot of quiet when people are here to help. 

I forgot to mention in my emails that we need to do all we can to avoid colds and other viruses, but this is something I have told many people since then. If someone has a runny nose or cough, we kindly ask that they not come into our home to help. We have had a baby with RSV and whooping cough, and it was hard to go through that. It would be even harder now that my health has declined more, but it isn’t just the “big” things we need to avoid. We also need to avoid simple cold viruses. What is a slight cold for a healthy person can cause me weeks of extra fatigue and weakness as my body puts energy toward fighting off the cold.

I wasn’t quite as specific with a list of needs when talking with my friends. Most of these things came up naturally as we were talking. I did share details about what is likely going to happen sometime in the months after Stafford is born. I didn’t live in Minnesota when either William or Adelaide were born, so my friends here have never seen me at my worst. It was important that I let them know ahead of time what was likely coming in the next year. 

I didn’t even have to ask my two closest friends for help; they just offered. And they gave specific offers of help, which is always great because then I don’t have to wonder, “What do they want to do? What should I ask? What is too much?” These friends just poured out their love and shared what they could do for me. They also expressed that they wanted to do these things, which helped me to not feel like a burden to them, but to feel like a valued friend.

What are some things that I could do, or that someone else who doesn't live nearby can do? Are there tangible ways from far away for us to help? Are there gift cards we can send for restaurants with take-out near you? 

These are questions I have received a lot in the past couple of months from blog readers and friends who live far away. You all are so kind to want to help. I do not want anyone to feel like they have to help simply because they read my blog. Please know that you are under no obligation! But since so many of you have asked about this, and have even asked specifically about gift cards, I feel like I should answer this question too.

Here are some ways you can help if you live far away:

• Pray for us. Many of you have already told me that you are praying for us regularly, and we appreciate that so much! Thank you! If you would like to know specific prayer requests, I mention several of them in this blog post.
• Send encouraging notes and messages. Many of you already do this as well! Thank you! I am always grateful for encouragement that comes through your emails, Facebook messages, snail mail cards, Facebook and Instagram comments, and blog comments.
• Share an uplifting song. Some of my favorite songs have come from friends far away who send a link to a YouTube video. These songs have encouraged me on my hard days.
• Sending a gift card if you feel so led. But please do not feel obligated. I wouldn’t have mentioned this if you hadn’t asked. In fact, I wouldn’t have even thought of this if this hadn’t been asked about so specifically! But you are right that gift cards to local restaurants for take-out would be helpful for us. We do have two meals a week that are provided by our church. Even now it is helpful to buy an additional meal from a local restaurant when Will doesn’t have time to prepare supper for us. And I'm sure it is only going to get harder for Will to have the time and energy to prepare meals for our family after Stafford is born. There aren’t many restaurant options for us, but nearby we do have Pizza Ranch, Casey’s General Store, and Subway. If you want to send a gift card, you can send an e-gift card to RachelLundy@cranberryteatime.com.
• Your ideas could be helpful too! Often the best help and encouragement comes from someone who sees a need or has an idea, and then does that. So if there is a way you would like to give support or encouragement, that may be just what we need and don’t even know it!

The Lego Lundys 

by William and Adelaide

Thank you so much, friends, for caring about our family. Thank you for praying for us and for rejoicing with us in the gift of Stafford! I look forward to introducing you to him sometime next month!

Preparing for Stafford: The Hard Stuff

Preparing for Stafford has been a joy and a challenge. It has been filled with laughter and tears and prayers. We don’t know what lies ahead, but based on what we know of my health from the past 19 years, the months ahead will be exceptionally hard. Over the past eight months we haven’t just been preparing for a baby; we have been preparing for a health crash.

If you have been reading here for many years, you may remember that I crashed badly after Adelaide was born. My health slowly deteriorated until I was bedridden for 20-23 hours a day for a few months. Recovery from that crash took three years, and despite all of my efforts to exercise and rebuild strength, I have never been able to recover to the level of health I had before Adelaide was born. And anytime I push myself too hard, my energy levels plummet again.

Currently I can be out of bed for 5 hours on a good day. After that, I have to borrow spoons from the next day to stay up longer. If I borrow spoons too many days in a row, then I crash, and it can take months, or even a year, to recover. Because I am starting off with less physical strength and endurance than I had when I was pregnant with Adelaide, it is likely that recovery from delivery will be harder this time around, and it is likely that a crash will come sooner than it did before.

Stafford at his 19 week ultrasound

One of my most debilitating symptoms is post-exertional malaise. This means that it takes my body much longer to recover from exertion than it should. If I go to church on a Sunday morning, it can take a week for me to recover from the noise and physical exertion. If I do a lot of walking around the house one day, I will have to spend the next day in bed. Pushing myself too hard with exercise doesn’t increase my strength, it only takes away my energy in the long run. Something is wrong at the cellular level, and my body doesn’t recover as it should when I rest and sleep, but, of course, not resting and sleeping only makes things worse!

On Monday I shared about some of the things I would be stepping away from after Stafford is born. And yet, even with all I am cutting out in order to have more energy to give to Stafford, I am well aware that apart from a miracle, I will not be able to take care of Stafford on my own. This has been my biggest grief during pregnancy. 

A glimpse of Stafford's face at his 33 week ultrasound.

For right now I am able to take care of Stafford. When I eat, he receives nourishment too. Simply by being pregnant I can keep Stafford warm and safe and protected. For 9 months I get to have him with me all the time, and I love that. Pregnancy is very easy for me compared to taking care of a newborn or a toddler. I do look forward to meeting Stafford, but I wish pregnancy could last longer because I am not ready to let my baby go. It is hard to hand a newborn over to someone else to take care of. 

Even with all that is hard, there is so much gratitude as well. I have lost babies through miscarriage, and I am thankful that Stafford is still with us. My heart aches for my friends who have had to say goodbye to their children too soon. My heart hurts for those who want a child, but have not been able to have one. I know that I am very blessed to have a baby on the way. Stafford is a wonderful gift from God. I am grateful for this precious child, and I definitely want him to be part of our family! There is grief, but I am trying to keep it all in perspective. I know there will be joy and happy days in the midst of the challenges.

Little Feet

Some days I am sad about the struggles and losses that are likely soon to come. Some days I don’t think about it at all, and I just enjoy being pregnant. I pray often for help and peace and strength. I pray for the ability to take care of Stafford, and I pray for humility and contentment if that is not to be.

I am trying not to worry. Most days I succeed; some days I don’t. I am trusting that tomorrow there will be grace. I’m not scared of the future. I’m just not looking forward to the physical deterioration. The increase in muscle weakness and brain fog and frailty will be unpleasant. But mostly I’m just sad about not being able to take care of my baby and my family in the ways I wish I could. 

Will you please pray for my family and for me? Please pray that:

• We all stay healthy and do not catch the flu or some other virus.
• Stafford’s birth would go smoothly and safely.
• My recovery from delivery would go well.
• The Lord would strengthen Will for all He has called him to as a husband, father, paralegal, and law student.
• William and Adelaide would be at peace no matter what happens with my health.
• The Lord would give me strength to take care of my newborn son.
• I would be humble and content if He chooses not to increase my strength.
• The Lord would provide the practical in-home help we will need.
• The Lord would give strength and endurance to those who choose to walk through the coming months and years with us.
• I would keep my heart and mind focused on Christ.
• I would trust God no matter what comes.
• The joy of the Lord would be my strength.
• I would rest in today's grace and mercy with no fear of the future.
• I would glorify the Lord in this life to which He has called me.

I know that the Lord is good and that His plans for me are for my ultimate good, even when life seems overwhelmingly hard. And I know that I can trust Him with all of this, but it is still hard. Thank you for your prayers.