The Lundy Family, May 2010
I have had
dysautonomia for most of my life, but it became especially disabling in 2004.
At that point in time Will was attending Bible college and working full time. I
was working part time, but by September of 2004 I could no longer keep up with even
two days of work per week. We were in Alaska, far away from family. Many
friends helped out while we were in Alaska, and friends and family have
continued to help us these past 10 years as we navigate family life with a
disabling chronic illness.
I am so
grateful for those who have reached out to us over the past 10 years with
practical help. Today I want to share some of the things that have been
especially helpful for us. I hope that this will give ideas to others about
unique and practical ways to help a friend or family member with chronic
illness.
In the fall
of 2004 and winter of 2005, a friend came to my house once a week to visit me
and bring supper for us. She
also helped me to fill out extensive medical forms when I was too ill to sit up
at a computer and type.
In the
winter and spring of 2005 a friend came over once a week to play cribbage with
me. It was so wonderful to have company, and it was good for me to play a game
to help keep my mind as sharp as possible. She kept the visits under one hour
because I tired out so quickly.
A neighbor made
a dozen meals for us, put them in disposable aluminum containers, and wrote our
name and cooking instructions on the aluminum foil. She put the meals in her
family’s larger freezer, which was outside of their house (a common thing in
Alaska). Whenever Will didn’t have time to cook a meal, he could walk over and
grab a meal for us. This was so helpful because Will had very little time to
prepare meals. He was working 40 hours a week, plus finishing up college. In
addition to that, we never knew when I would have an especially bad day and
need extensive help with personal care from Will. Meals ready-to-go whenever we
needed them were such a blessing.
We didn’t
have a dishwasher, so a neighbor sent her two oldest children over twice a week
to wash our dishes. They did this until we moved several months later!
Krista and William
My sister
came to live with us for two months in the summer of 2006 to help me care for
William when he was a baby. This allowed me to get the rest I needed, and it
allowed Will to continue with full time work.
My health
began declining again in the fall of 2006 when William was only 8 months old. A
friend came over to my house 5 mornings a week for a month. She took care of
William while I slept, and she helped with various household tasks. This allowed
Will to continue with full time work.
When Will
went to seminary, our home church, family, and friends supported us
financially. Because I need so much daily help, Will could not attend seminary
while also working full-time. The elders of our church supported Will’s
decision to attend seminary, and they wisely advised us to go to seminary only
with the financial support of the church and others. The Lord provided in such
a way that Will was able to graduate from seminary in 3 ½ years. Will did work part-time for a total of a
year and a half of his time in seminary, but he never had to work full-time.
The support from our church, family, and friends enabled him to focus on
seminary full-time while also taking care of the children and me.
In 2010 when I had my bad crash, a neighbor brought supper to us every Wednesday night
for 10 months! At this point in time, Will was in seminary full time. He also
needed to care for two young children and a nearly completely bed-ridden wife.
It was incredibly hard. Monday through Friday were the hardest days because
Will had to be gone for classes and didn’t necessarily have time to cook. Each
week we pushed through Monday and Tuesday. I would often think, “We just have
to make it until Wednesday.” Wednesday brought such relief because we knew that
supper was coming and that Will wouldn’t have to cook that night. He could take
care of us. When this neighbor brought a meal on Wednesday, she didn’t just
bring a meal for one night. There were always leftovers for at least one more
meal, if not two or three. Those meals got us through until the weekend.
The same
neighbor who brought supper every Wednesday also took care of William and
Adelaide every Thursday afternoon. She had three children of her own ages 5 and
under, plus a baby on the way! But she gladly invited William and Adelaide to
join her children for an afternoon of play. This gave me time to rest in a
quiet apartment, and it gave Will an afternoon to work on homework.
In 2009 and
2010 a neighbor family took William to Cubbies
at their church on Wednesday night. Our church did not have an AWANA program,
and we were thrilled that William had the opportunity to go with friends. This
gave Will and me a chance to have some quality time together or a chance for
Will to work on homework in a quiet apartment. In 2011 a different neighbor
family took William to Cubbies at their church. He was excited to start going
to Cubbies again, and we were glad that he had the opportunity to attend this
program that we were unable to take him to ourselves.
Over the
years many people have helped with childcare in various ways. Friends and
family have taken care of William and Adelaide in their homes. Others have
given us money that allowed us to hire in-home help for the children and for
me. I could not be a good mom without the help I have received from family and
friends.
Several
people have given gifts that have helped to make my life easier: handicap bars
in the bathroom, a lowering showerhead, a recliner, a laptop, lap desks, a lift chair, and a special hand-made table to use while sitting in my lift chair. All
of these things have added to my quality of life.
My parents
have helped us out in numerous ways over the years, and I do not know where we
would be today without them. They have helped us out with shopping, childcare,
home repairs, and so much more. They even let us live with them for a year and
a half when William was a toddler. My parents have given self-sacrificially,
and our family is thriving today in no small part because of the ways they have
supported us.
This
certainly isn’t an exhaustive list of ways people have helped us. There have
been many more things, probably even more than I can recall. Life with a
chronic illness is hard, and it is not something we can do without help. I am
so grateful for the family and friends who have helped us out over the years.
Some people have helped us out extensively, in ways we will never be able to repay
here on earth, but in ways that Jesus will reward in eternity.
Let’s hear from you!
How have you
reached out to a family affected by chronic illness? If you have a chronic
illness, what is the most helpful thing someone has done for you?
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