Dear friend with a chronic illness…
There may be
times when your friend says something hurtful to you about the way you live
life with a chronic illness, the way you look, or the treatments you take. She
may make comments that she intends to be helpful or encouraging, but that in
reality are hurtful. She likely isn’t trying to be hurtful or inconsiderate;
she simply doesn’t fully understand life with a chronic illness.
When this
happens, give your friend the benefit of the doubt; she probably has good
intentions. Be gracious and quick to forgive. Be patient with her in your
friendship, gently helping her to understand what life is like with a chronic
illness. In time she will come to understand you and your chronic illness
better.
Dear friend of someone with a chronic
illness…
There may be
times when your friend doesn’t understand what life is like for you. If she has
had a chronic illness for a long time, then she might have a difficult time understanding the hardships faced in life by those who are
healthy. Your life and your struggles may be very different than hers. When she
doesn’t understand, be patient with, and gracious to, her.
On the days
when your friend is in a lot of pain or feeling especially down because of her
illness, she may be grumpy, frustrated, or sad. You can show her love on the
days when she is especially unlovable. You can show her grace and forgiveness,
gently helping her through those hard and painful days.
Exhortation for us all…
There will
be challenging days in friendship. We are all sinners, and sometimes we will miscommunicate,
treat each other badly, and become frustrated with one another. On the
challenging days, we would be wise to follow the commands in Ephesians 4:32,
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ
forgave you.”
The hard
days in friendship give us wonderful opportunities to work on developing the
fruit of the Spirit. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against
such things there is no law" (Galatians 5:22-23).
Let us seek
to show these qualities in increasing measure to our friends. Let us be kind,
tenderhearted, and forgiving. In our friendships, let us give the world a
glimpse of the grace that Christ has so lavishly given to us.
Let’s hear from you!
If you are
healthy, what is one of the most challenging things about friendship with
someone with a chronic illness? How can you show your friend grace?
If you have
a chronic illness, what is one of the most challenging things about friendship
with someone who is healthy? How can you show your friend grace?
This post is part of the Chronic Illness and Friendship series.
My biggest problem is my speed and it effects when I am with others, also that i need need to dink more water.
ReplyDeleteThere issues with me, are that I am always needing some help with either my wheelchair (getting out of my car) and the oxygen I have to carry around. I do NOT have an electric scooter right now/or lift, so those things are very strictly confining. Without a lift and wheelchair I am dependent on everyone else
It's really hard to not take things personally. I think we have to try our best to see comments through their eyes and their character to know if it's meant as simply not understanding or being mean spirited.
ReplyDeleteI've been noticing that I have lost a sense of what it feels like to be normal. Like how can anyone make dinner at once & then eat? Or walk through a store, do their legs feel like they are about to give out and like they are about to pass out? so it makes sense how hard it is for healthy people to understand.
Mobility issues can be such a challenge. I hope that someday you'll be able to get a scooter and lift so that you can get around easier. Not having the right mobility equipment can really hinder the time you are able to spend with friends. I don't have a scooter either, but it is on my "wish list."
ReplyDeleteIt is very hard not to take things personally. I have struggled with that. The words I wrote in the post are meant for me as much as anyone else!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about losing a sense of what it feels like to be normal. A few years ago I watched an episode of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" with Meredith Vieira. They had changed the way the show was done. It used to be that the host and guest would sit during the questions, but then they changed it so that Meredith and the guest stood the whole time. As I watched the show, I was thinking, "Wow, she has to stand for the whole show! Why did they change that? She really has a hard job now. I can't believe they are making her stand for the whole show." I felt so bad for her for having such a hard job. I think it was hours or days before I remembered that standing is easy for healthy people!
Tonya, you said exactly how I feel. Sometimes, I take it so personal, that it causes other issues, and I need to learn, that God is in control of it and I am sure, that no one is personally attacking me. Thank you again Rachel for your blog. I love it!
ReplyDelete