Diamonds Marriage Conference

There is going to be a second Diamonds Conference this year! It is a one day event covering topics about marriage and chronic illness. There will also be sessions about singleness, dating, and parenting while chronically ill.

The Diamonds Marriage in Chronic Illness event is this Saturday, June 5. If you are chronically ill, you are invited to join us! You can learn more and register for free here for the Diamonds Summer Event.

The Diamonds Summer Event is free while it is live. If you wish to watch sessions after June 5, you may purchase an All Access pass.

Will and I will both be speaking at the marriage event. Will is speaking first, and his session is titled, "Marriage and Chronic Illness: How Suffering in Marriage Vindicates the Wisdom and Goodness of God." He has been telling me about his session, and it is fascinating! If you love theology and learning deep truths of Scripture, you'll enjoy this!

In the evening, Will and I will be speaking together for a session titled, "When the Marriage Bed Becomes a Sick Bed: Sex, Marriage, and Chronic Illness." We have found that there is insufficient teaching from the church about sex when you have a marriage affected by chronic illness. Much of the typical advice given to couples simply doesn't work when one or both spouses are chronically ill. So we hope this session will be helpful and encouraging for those who are trying to navigate challenges in the marriage bed affected by chronic illness. If you are chronically ill and either married or considering marriage, we would love to have you join us for this session!

Be sure to check out the study guide! You can purchase a Kindle copy for 99 cents on Amazon. Or if you prefer a physical copy, you can order a paperback study guide for $5.99.

If you are married with a chronic illness, you are not alone. There are other couples going through the same struggles as you. You can meet some of them at the conference. And if you are single or dating, you too will find others who are going through the same thing as you. You aren't alone. Come join the chronically ill Diamonds community and be encouraged in your walk with the Lord through chronic illness.

Teatime Conversations: Date Night for Married Couples

Reader Question: I'm wondering what your opinion is regarding "date night" for married couples. I have heard from several people how important it is, but, frankly, I'm not convinced. It seems to me like it is impractical (financially, logistically) and I wonder if we've lost the ability to just sit on the couch with our spouse and connect. What are your thoughts?? Thanks! :)

I'm not convinced either! I have often heard the advice to have regular date nights out of the house, and many of you who are married probably have too. I’ve heard it from speakers, and I have read it in books. I have heard it so often that I don’t even remember most of the sources, but it is advice that couples are given regularly, and it goes something like this:

Married couples need to have a date night at least every other week. They need to go away overnight every two months. Once a year, the couple needs to go away for a long weekend together.

This is supposed to be extremely important, and it is supposedly one of the keys for a healthy marriage. Going out on dates and having trips alone with a spouse sounds like fun, but it is not physically or financially possible for many. I’ve been told that it doesn’t need to be expensive. You can trade off babysitting with another family. You can go on a date that is a walk through a park. I suppose you could go camping for your overnight trips, and that would be cheaper than staying in a hotel. But even these kind of dates and overnight trips are still not feasible – financially or physically – for many of those with chronic illnesses (and even for many who are not chronically ill).

The advice to have regular date nights and regular overnight trips as a couple seems like a modern American thing to me. This is not something that is commanded in Scripture, and we don't read about godly couples like Isaac and Rebekah or Mary and Joseph having the type of date nights or regular overnight getaways that we are encouraged to have today. The type of "date night" that we are encouraged to have today is not something you see happening throughout history either, yet there certainly have been strong and godly marriages throughout history.

We do need time alone with our spouses, but this can take place in our home. If a couple has children, after the children go to bed the couple can spend time playing a game, talking, watching a movie, working on a puzzle, or doing some other activity they enjoy. I like your idea of simply sitting on the couch to spend time together and connect. Going out to a nice restaurant or special event can be fun, but it isn’t necessary to build a strong marriage relationship.

Will and I usually have “date night in” instead of leaving our house for a date. This is much easier on me physically. I do enjoy going out for a meal occasionally with my husband, but a date out of the house usually only happens once or twice a year for us. If I am not feeling well enough, then it is too hard to sit up at a table and talk anyway, so staying at home can allow for better conversation. When I am not up for talking, we enjoy watching a favorite TV show and eating popcorn while in bed. Usually I have energy for both a little bit of talking and watching television. But when I don’t have energy to talk, and I only have energy to watch TV with my husband, I enjoy his company and simply being with him.

Date night out is great, but what if instead of focusing so much on having regular dates and overnight getaways, we spent more time studying what the Bible says about marriage and the role of husbands and wives, and then we put that into practice? How might our marriages change and flourish? If we all took seriously the commands in Titus 2:1-8, Ephesians 5:22-33, and 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, I think that would go much farther in strengthening our marriages than regular date nights.

A few years ago Tim Challies wrote an article called You Don’t Need a Date Night. After hearing for so many years how important date night is, I was so happy to read this article!

I don’t think we need to put pressure on ourselves to have date nights with our husbands in the modern American way. There are plenty of ways to grow closer together as a married couple without going out for a date night.

I would love to hear from all of you! What are your thoughts on date nights for married couples? Do you find them to be a necessity? Do you consider them fun, but not a key to a healthy marriage? What ways do you enjoy connecting with your husband that work within whatever physical or financial limitations you may have?

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez

Top Seven Blog Posts of 2017

Hello Friends,

Thank you for reading here at Cranberry Tea Time this year. Whether I know you in real life or not, I am grateful for you, and I am glad to have you as a part of the Cranberry Tea Time community. It has been a joy to write for you and to chat with you this year.

Do you want to know what your favorite blot posts were from Cranberry Tea Time in 2017? Here are the seven that had the most views this year:

• Marriage, Chronic Illness, Christ, and the Church
• Busy Hands: Matching Cowls
• The Gift of Time to Pray
• How to Pray for the Sick and Disabled
• Just a Little Update
• Oh My Soul
• The Best Surprise

I wish you a Happy New Year, and I will see you here in 2018!

Blessings and joy,
Rachel

Teatime Conversations: A Peaceful and Strong Marriage

Welcome to Teatime Conversations! This is a new series on Cranberry Tea Time. I hope to continue posting these conversations for as long I have the energy and the questions keep coming. If you have a question, you can leave it in the comment section of this post, email me, or submit your question anonymously through this form.

Today we are chatting about marriage. Grab a cup of tea, and let's visit together!

Reader Question: What sorts of things have kept your marriage peaceful and strong? 

Marriage with a chronic illness is challenging, and it takes intentional effort to maintain a strong and peaceful marriage. Will and I are celebrating our 15th anniversary this month, and while we certainly don’t have a perfect marriage, I do think we have a good and happy marriage.

Here are some things that have helped us to grow closer together and maintain a strong, peaceful marriage:

• Growing individually in our relationships with the Lord. As we each grow closer to the Lord, we also grow closer to one another. As we become more like Christ, we become more loving, faithful, caring, and compassionate, and those are all things that make marriage more peaceful.
• Being quick to apologize when wrong, and being quick to forgive when wronged. This makes life much happier and more pleasant!
• Learning to overlook minor offenses and choosing not to get upset over the little stuff. Many years ago we decided that we would not get upset or start an argument over something one of us says when we are exhausted and sleep deprived. This doesn’t mean we can say anything we want when we’re sleepy. It does mean that we know the exhausted and sleep deprived person will probably realize the next morning that he or she said something unkind, and there will quickly be an apology and reconciliation. So at the moment we just let it go and choose not to be offended. Sometimes it is better to wait until both people are better rested and thinking clearly before continuing a discussion. 
• Spending time together simply enjoying each other’s company. This doesn’t have to mean going out on a date. This could be cooking supper together, watching a movie, or sitting in the backyard talking. 
• Keeping intimacy a priority. This can be a challenge with chronic illness, but it is important to keep the physical relationship strong. Intimacy may change over the years as pain, illness, medications, and other symptoms interfere in various ways. But keep trying. If you are a married couple struggling in this area, pray for wisdom and help. Talk with your doctor to see if there is anything that could help medically. Talk with a chronic illness friend who may have gone through something similar. She may have advice to share about ways to work around different challenges due to illness or pain. Keep trying, and be patient with each other through it all. 
• Praying regularly with one another and for one another.
• Cultivating gratitude for each other. Look for the good qualities in the other. Compliment your spouse. Thank the Lord for the gift of your spouse.
• Avoiding pet peeves. We talked early on in marriage about what each other’s pet peeves were, and we tried to avoid those. It might sound silly, but it was helpful! We agreed on which way the toilet paper should be put on the roll, and we decided that it didn’t matter where we squeezed the toothpaste tube. Annoying sounds, like whistling and brushing teeth with one’s mouth open, were usually avoided. Not everyone would want to make changes to minor habits like this, but we decided it was a small sacrifice that we wanted to make. In time the new practices became habits, and we don’t even think about what we “gave up” for the sake of the other.
• Remembering that we are on the same team. We may disagree or get frustrated with each other at times, but we are not each other’s enemy. We are in this together.

We don’t do all of the above things perfectly, but we keep working at it, and we are growing stronger in our marriage.


We would love to hear from you! What things have helped to keep your marriage peaceful and strong? Or what good things have you seen in the marriage of a couple whom you admire?

Marriage, Chronic Illness, Christ, and the Church

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 

Ephesians 5:22-33

Last week my husband, Will, and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. I look back with gratitude on the years we have shared together, and I thank the Lord for the blessings that we have experienced in our marriage affected by chronic illness.

I will never forget the wedding card given to us by a dear family that I babysat for as a teenager. In the card, they wrote, “We pray that God will bless your marriage such that it will be an example of Christ and His church.” Their prayer was a wonderful, biblical prayer. But, little did I know how God would so clearly answer that prayer!

When we married in 2002, I already had a chronic illness. At that time, I was still able to attend college, and after graduating I was able to work a part-time job for a while. However, less than two years after getting married, my health deteriorated to the point that I became disabled and homebound.

Suddenly, I needed my husband to do basic personal tasks and household chores that I previously could take care of on my own. I needed his help with cooking, cleaning, laundry, and shopping. I needed his help with transportation and maneuvering my wheelchair. There were even times when I needed help with personal care. And he was always faithful to help me.

Each day, Will sacrifices his comfort in order to care for my needs and perform the mundane household chores. As he faithfully serves me, he is an example of the sacrificial love of Christ. He shows me a small reflection of the great love that Christ showed me when He gave Himself on the cross for my sins. It is an incredible gift to be reminded day after day of the love of Christ through my husband’s service to me.

My husband has a high calling to display the love that Christ has for the church. I, too, have been given a high calling. As I respect and submit to my husband, I have the privilege of displaying the beauty of the church submitting to Christ. It is an honor to respect and submit to my husband as to the Lord.

Will and I are certainly not perfect, but I hope and pray that our marriage is a lovely picture of the gospel to those who see us. If our marriage can give a glimpse of the beauty of the gospel to a watching world, and if our marriage brings glory to the Lord, then all the difficulties of marriage with a chronic illness are more than worth it!

Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. A godly marriage proclaims the gospel to the world. A chronic illness, or disability, in marriage does not mar that picture. A chronic illness or disability can, in fact, enhance the picture of the gospel!

How have you seen the gospel put on display through a marriage affected by a disability? If you are in a marriage affected by a disability, how does your marriage portray a picture of the gospel?

This article was originally posted on The Irresistible Church blog.

Book Review: Hope Heals

Jay and I have been blessed to suffer greatly at such a young age because it informs the way we live the rest of our lives. We have learned that when everything else is gone, hope remains. - Katherine Wolf

I recently read Hope Heals by Jay and Katherine Wolf. In this book they tell the story of their marriage, Katherine's stroke as a young wife and mom, and the years of rehab that followed. It is a story of love, suffering, commitment, and hope.

Jay and Katherine were a young married couple living in California and pursuing their dreams. Jay was weeks away from graduating from law school, Katherine was a model with a promising career, and they had a 6 month old baby. But life as they knew it changed dramatically when Katherine suffered a massive brain stem stroke, which left her in a coma for 2 months. After waking up from the coma she had to spend nearly 2 years in intensive rehab to regain strength back and to re-learn how to talk, eat, and walk.

Jay and Katherine struggled through very hard years, but their commitment to one another and to the Lord remained strong. Katherine confesses that there were times when she felt like God had made a mistake and that she should have died. But in those dark moments, she knew and trusted that “He sees the entire picture, and HE DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES. He knows this is part of the story He is writing for me, for my family, and for all of the creation He is making right. It is not a plan B, and I trust that.”

Katherine acknowledges that she can give God the glory, and it can still hurt. Her experienced caused her “to redefine healing and discover a hope that heals the most broken places: our souls.”

There aren’t many books about marriage and disability, so I was thrilled to learn about Hope Heals. I was encouraged and challenged by Jay and Katherine’s testimony in these pages. Hope Heals will be beneficial to anyone who is looking for hope, and it will be especially encouraging for those who are affected by disability in marriage.

                                                                                                                                             

If you are interested in learning more about Hope Heals, you will enjoy watching this book trailer. (If you are reading this in an email, please click over to the blog to see the video.)

Hope Heals will be available April 26^th. Learn more at hopehealsbook.com.

I received a copy of Hope Heals from the publisher through NetGalley. All opinions are my own.

The Beautiful Truth

“God designed my disability not to make me ‘independent,’ but ‘interdependent.’”

- Joni Eareckson Tada

My life with dysautonomia places a burden on my husband, children, family, and friends. I'm not sure if I will ever completely get used to that. It is hard to be a burden. It is hard to see others have to sacrifice so much in order to care for me. It is especially hard to see the daily burden that my illness places on Will, William, and Adelaide.

And yet, at least for now, this is the way it is meant to be. God has designed me to need a lot of help from others. He has provided me with a husband and children to help me daily. He has provided others to help me occasionally. And God has given my family and friends the opportunity to serve Him by serving me.

I am learning the beautiful truth of being a burden. It is hard. It is a lesson I wish I didn’t have to learn. But this is the life God has given me for my good and His glory, and I thank Him for it. I am learning to accept being a burden and to pray for strength for those who help me.

I greatly appreciated this article by Joni Eareckson Tada: The Beautiful Truth About Being a Burden. If you are caring for a loved one, or if you are the one who is being cared for, Joni’s words will help and encourage you today. 

Eight Reasons I Am Thankful for Dysautonomia

God has given me a life that is much different than I dreamed it would be, but also better than I could have ever planned or imagined. I trust that life with dysautonomia is His good plan for my life. I do not understand all of God’s purposes in allowing me to be a disabled and homebound wife and mother. God’s ways are not my ways. His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. But even in my limited understanding, I can see ways that dysautonomia is beneficial for me. I am thankful for the many blessings that have come because I have dysautonomia.

Here are 8 reasons I am thankful for dysautonomia:

Dysautonomia reminds me each day that I need the Lord. Every day I wake up to a sick, weak, and miserable feeling in my body. I am keenly aware that I cannot control my health or my strength. I cannot make my body function properly. It is truly the Lord who sustains life, gives health, and gives weakness. I have learned to see the pain and weakness in my body as a grace and a mercy. It is a daily reminder of my need for, and my dependence upon, the Lord.

I have made many friends online whom I never would have met if I did not have dysautonomia. Through places like DINET, blogs, and Facebook groups, I have met so many people with dysautonomia, chronic illnesses, and other disabilities. These friendships are a treasure to me! I have learned a lot from my friends who live with various illnesses and disabilities. They have encouraged me through their examples, inspired me with their courage, and blessed me with their friendship.

Dysautonomia brought me to the point of starting a blog. I probably would not be blogging if I were not ill and homebound. Blogging has been a wonderful creative outlet and connection to the outside world. If I did not have dysautonomia I probably never would have started blogging. I would have been too busy to sit down behind a computer for hours each week. Dysautonomia has caused me to slow down and take time to write.

Through living with dysautonomia I am learning to persevere. Although trials are not pleasant, they are beneficial. They are so beneficial that we are to count it all joy when we face trials (James1:2-4). For this reason, I am grateful for dysautonomia. It gives me opportunity each day to persevere in hardship. Each day I push my body to keep going and not give up. I seek to be content and enjoy my life. I spend time with the Lord when my mind and my body are tired. I give of myself to my husband and my children. I am learning to persevere, and it is growing me to maturity. What a blessing!

My children learn compassion through having a disabled mother. Because of my needs, William and Adelaide had to learn from a very young age to be gentle and quiet. They learned to look out not just for their own comfort, but for mine as well. They have learned to serve me when I need help. These lessons in compassion and servanthood will be beneficial to them for the rest of their lives.

Dysautonomia provides challenges that cause our marriage to be strengthened when we persevere in love and faithfulness. Marriage affected by a disability is hard. But when Will and I determine to persevere in the challenges, to love and serve each other, and to cling to the Lord through it all, our marriage is strengthened. Dysautonomia makes marriage hard, but it brings us closer together, and that leads to much happiness in marriage!

Living with dysautonomia reminds me to keep an eternal perspective. My body is tired and weak. My health has been steadily declining for 16 years. My hope is not in good health in this life. My hope is in the life to come. My hope is in the One who paid the price for my sin, taking the punishment that I deserve, so that one day I can be free of this body of death and live forever on the New Earth. As I struggle to persevere in this weak and tired body, I am reminded that this body is not the only body I will ever have. This life is not my only chance at happiness. The best is yet to come!

I am gaining reward in Heaven when I suffer faithfully. This is such a reason to be happy in life with dysautonomia! I cling to these verses daily: “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).

It always astounds me that suffering is incredibly beneficial to believers in the Lord Jesus Christ! A faithful response to suffering will result in a greater reward than we would receive if we did not suffer at all. And the reward awaiting us in Heaven is far out of proportion any suffering we could ever endure on earth. Suffering will one day be worth it all. Because there is reward for living faithfully in the midst of affliction, I am very grateful for dysautonomia!

I would love to hear from you! What hard things do you face in life? What reasons have you found to be thankful for suffering?

Five Minute Friday: Hold

Today I am joining joining the Five Minute Friday blogging community. We write for five minutes on the same writing prompt, and then we gather at Kate Motaung's blog to share our words. It is quick and simple blogging, no over-thinking, no strict editing. This week the prompt is: Hold.

Hold

Not quite two years. That is how long Will and I had as a young married couple to walk together holding hands. At first it took us some practice to get in step with one another. One person would walk a bit fast or have too long of a stride. But soon we learned to walk together hand in hand. It became second nature, and we could immediately fall in stride with each other. Hand in hand.

Until ten years ago. Ten years ago I could no longer go for long walks. I became so sick that I soon became primarily homebound. Holding hands while walking became a thing of the past, and we bought a wheelchair to make getting out of the house a little easier for me.

I love getting out of the house with my husband whenever I am able, but it has been ten years since we have gone for a walk hand in hand. Usually I don’t think about it because it has become so normal to go out in a wheelchair. And then every once in a while I remember what it used to be like. There is a twinge of sadness. I miss holding Will’s hand while we walk.

But the sadness doesn’t stay for long. Will may not be able to hold my hand on a walk, but for nearly twelve years he has held fast to me as his wife. In sickness and in more sickness. He holds on. He stays by my side. It is a beautiful thing.

Photo Credit: Darin11111

A Day in the Life

For many years now I have had people tell me that my Good Day and Bad Day posts are their favorites. A lot has changed in the past five years, so here is what an average day looks like for me now. This is neither a "good day" nor a "bad day." On good days I can do more than what you see here, though I may pay for it the next day. On bad days I struggle a lot, and I have to pretty much stay in bed.

Enjoying time with William and Adelaide.

I love it when they come into my bedroom to talk in the evening and give me hugs and kisses.

A Day in the Life
Monday, April 14, 2014

6:30 am – I hear Will stirring, but I soon fall back to sleep. Will gets up and gets himself and the children ready for the day. He makes breakfast for them, makes sure that they are properly clothed, and fixes Adelaide’s hair. Will walks William to the bus stop while Adelaide watches from the window. Then Will takes Adelaide to daycare at a friend’s home. Will and the children are very quiet in the morning so that I can keep sleeping and hopefully get the 10 hours of sleep that I need.

9:53 – I open my eyes and begin the process of waking up.

9:58 – I call Will and ask for some coffee and breakfast. Usually he is at work in his office, which is in our basement. However, today is Monday and is Will’s day off work. Instead of staying at home, he is out grocery shopping this morning. Will tells me that he left breakfast outside the bedroom door for me.

10:02 – I grab my breakfast, laptop, and Bible, and I lie back down in bed. I take my morning meds and eat breakfast. I check email and Facebook, and I read online while trying to convince my brain and body to wake up and get moving.

11:07 – I am feeling awake enough to start my prayer and Bible study time. I grab my prayer journal and pray for many of the requests listed there. Next I walk to the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee. I head back to bed to read and study my Bible.

11:50 – Will is home from shopping and comes in to see me. We chat for a few minutes. Then Will goes back to putting away groceries, and I turn my attention back to my Bible study.

12:04 pm – I finish my Bible study time, and I begin working on email.

12:40 – Will goes to pick up Adelaide from daycare, and I get up, get dressed, and brush my teeth.

1:00 – Adelaide comes home. I read to her and get her ready for a nap. Usually Will puts her down for a nap, but today I am feeling well enough to put her to bed. This is a special treat for Adelaide!

1:30 – I sit down at the kitchen table and look through the mail. I am excited that a new book has come in the mail for me! It is Rhinestone Jesus by Kristen Welch. I will start reading it later on this afternoon. Right now it is time for lunch, but my stomach is feeling pretty unsettled.  I choose Jello and ginger tea, knowing that even with gastroparesis, my tummy will probably be able to tolerate those two things. I am wobbly and weak from my activity in the last hour, so Will helps me to the bedroom. He carries the hot tea so that I don’t accidentally spill it while walking.

1:45 – Will heads out to do more errands while Adelaide and I have nap time. I lie down in bed to eat my Jello and drink my tea. I read a friend’s blog, and then I make a few edits on my own blog.

2:19 – I call my friend Dorina. We talk and catch up for a few minutes.

2:27 – Adelaide is having a hard time sleeping. I get up with her, help her in the bathroom, and put her back to bed.

2:31 – I lie back down in bed to read and rest, and I start reading Rhinestone Jesus.

3:15 – My stomach feels like it can handle more food, so I get up and get a banana. Adelaide still hasn’t fallen asleep. I help her in the bathroom again and take her back to her bedroom. I ask her to play quietly so that I can rest. I go back to bed. My legs are weak and a bit shaky from all of the up and down activity since waking up this morning. I haven’t done a whole lot today, but not having an extended period of time to rest takes its toll on my muscles.

4:00 – It is time to get up and spend time with Adelaide and William, who has come home from school. My legs are weak, so I grab my walker to help me get around the house. William is busy playing with Legos and listening to a story CD and decides to join us later. I get a snack for Adelaide. She sits on the floor in the living room, and I curl up on the sofa near her.

4:10 – Will comes home from running errands. We talk with him and catch up on our days thus far.

4:22 – My body feels weak and faint. I pray for renewed strength and energy, and I ask the Lord to help me have a good attitude and to love my family well.

4:25 – I ask Adelaide to get a Boost from the refrigerator for me. I drink the Boost and take some midodrine to raise my blood pressure.

4:30 – Will brings a box of Easter decorations upstairs, and we start to decorate the living room. I stay seated on the sofa, and Will and the children do the walking and placing of decorations.

5:05 – My body is too tired to continue, so we set the rest of the decorations aside for the day. Adelaide asks me to tell the Easter story using our Resurrection Eggs set. I am tired, but I know that I need to push through and tell the story. The Easter story is important!

5:20 – I lie down on the sofa to be with my children while William does homework and Adelaide plays with Easter eggs. William is soon finished with his homework, and he and Adelaide take turns hiding and find Easter eggs in the living room. I have fun watching them play together.

5:45 – We eat supper in the living room. The children eat on a blanket on the floor. I eat while lying down on the sofa, and Will joins me on the sofa.

6:15 – I am tired and have a migraine. It isn’t wise for me to keep pushing my body much longer, so I get a shower and get ready for bed.

6:45 – I fall into bed, so tired and ready to rest. This is both my favorite and least favorite time of day. I am thankful for the opportunity to have much needed rest and quiet, but I wish I could be with my family longer.

6:47 – Will brings a cup of tea to me. I check email and catch up with friends on Facebook.

7:15 – I want to type some emails, but my arms are too weak. Instead I need to lie completely still and just watch a television show online.

7:38 – The children come in to say good night. We give hugs and kisses and chat for a bit. Adelaide asks for a cape so that she can be Elsa from Frozen. I tell her that I have some fabric in the basement that I can use to make a cape for her, but that I can’t make it right away. She is excited about having a cape, but disappointed that she can’t have one right away. William comes to the rescue and brings his Darth Vader cape for Adelaide to wear. Adelaide pretends to be Elsa while walking around with the Darth Vader cape, happy as can be!

7:42 – Will brushes Adelaide’s teeth and gets her ready for bed. William asks me for help coming up with clever words for a Star Wars mad lib. We work on it together.

7:51 – Adelaide comes in for more hugs and kisses.

7:53 – Will puts Adelaide to bed, and William reads his mad lib to me. We then start working on a second Star Wars mad lib.

8:00 – Will comes in as William and I are finishing up our second mad lib. Will reads it out loud for us and we have a good laugh together.

8:07 – Will puts William to bed, and I return to my television show.

8:32 – Will comes in after putting William to bed, and we chat for a few minutes.

8:38 – I am in need of soft and liquid food regularly, so Will makes pudding for me. He makes a double batch so that I will have some in the refrigerator for a few days. He also works in the kitchen to clean up the messes from the day. While Will works in the kitchen I finish watching my tv show, and then I work on some online volunteer work.

10:00 – Will has finished cleaning the kitchen and making pudding. We talk for a few minutes.

10:20 – Will starts the night time routine. He fills my water bottle, gets an ice pack for my feet, and gets himself ready for bed. I finish up some email and Facebook messages.

10:38 – Will comes into the bedroom. We talk and spend some time together even though it is a later evening than usual.

11:25 – We pray together and kiss good night. I turn off my computer and take melatonin to help me fall asleep. I turn off the light and pull out my kindle. I read on the kindle to help my body wind down and fall asleep. Sometime around midnight I fall asleep and sleep peacefully.

Marriage Letters: What Makes You Come Alive

Dear Will,

What an honor it is to be your wife and to walk alongside you in life and ministry. You are my favorite teacher and preacher. I love cheering you on from the sidelines as you fill the role to which God has called you. Sound theology and Bible teaching – this is what makes you come alive. This is what you are passionate about, and that passion is part of what makes you a good teacher and preacher.

For two years now you have taught the middle school Sunday School class in our church, and those kids are learning so much from you. As they see you come alive in that classroom, they get excited about learning theology! I love hearing about the biblical truths that they can communicate at such a young age. Your passion for sound theology rubs off on them, and they, too, are striving to understand and communicate truths from God’s Word.

Your gifts bless not just those in the church, but our family as well. I am so thankful to have someone who is so knowledgeable in Greek and Hebrew in my home! I love the fact that when I come across questions as I read my Bible, I can ask you about the text in the original language. I see you come alive as you help me dig into God’s Word, seek the Lord, and grow in Him. You shepherd my soul so carefully and patiently, and I am the wiser for it.

You don’t just shepherd me, but you shepherd our children daily. You care for them physically and you care for them spiritually. You guard and protect and teach them, and they love you for it. You help our family to not just survive, but to thrive. As we grow closer to the Lord, we also grow closer to each other, and our family is strengthened.

Thank you for leading us and serving us faithfully.

Love,

Rachel

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Read more Marriage Letters at theRunAMuck.com.

Marriage Letters: Once Upon a Time

Dear Will,

Two months ago we celebrated eleven years of marriage. So much has changed in that time. We are the same, but older, wiser, stronger as a couple, and more in love than ever before, and it’s a good thing.

Once upon a time we were just 22 and 21, living in Alaska, becoming good friends, and falling in love. The falling in love part took a little longer for me. Remember how I was afraid to trust you? How I was afraid to believe that you could really love me for the rest of my life, no matter how sick I became?

I was very healthy back then compared to what is normal for me now. But even still, I could feel in my body that I was growing weaker.  I knew that my future as a wife might look very different than what I hoped. I shared my fears with you and wondered if you really knew what you might be getting into. What if I was sick and couldn’t do all that a wife should do? Would you still stick around knowing that I might become really sick? Could I trust you with my heart?

It took some time, but I decided that I could, I should, and I would trust you. I would let you love me, and I would love you in return. I will never regret giving you my trust and my love. You have been faithful not just through the fun and easy beginning of marriage, but through the failing health and hard years of marriage. Your love and faithfulness has not wavered. As my body grows weaker, your love for me has grown stronger. I know that I am safe with you.

Thank you for loving me and for being faithful to me. Thank you for caring for me in sickness and in health. 

Love,
Rachel

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Amber and Seth Haines are writing Marriage Letters monthly on their blogs and inviting others to join them. The purpose of the letters is to look at where we are now and at where we have been. Through these letters we hope to encourage others who are just starting out or who are struggling in their marriages.

I plan to join in these monthly writings of Marriage Letters. Chronic illness in marriage presents unique challenges. Statistics show that over 75% of marriages with a chronic illness end in divorce. Marriage is challenging, and a chronic illness makes it even harder. I hope that through writing Marriage Letters each month I will be able to encourage those of you who are dealing with chronic illness in marriage.

For our 11th anniversary, Will wrote a letter to me on his blog. You can read it here. 

Joni and Ken: An Untold Love Story

Ken and Joni Tada, along with Larry Libby, recently wrote a book about their 30 years of marriage. Joni has been a quadriplegic since the age of 17 when she broke her neck in a diving accident. She also suffers from severe chronic pain, and she recently battled breast cancer. Ken and Joni know what it is like to suffer and struggle through marriage with a disability, and in this book they share about their struggles and triumphs. It is rare to find a book that talks about marriage and disability and to now have one written by Ken and Joni Tada is a treasure.

In this book, Ken and Joni give us a glimpse into their life as a married couple. It is a beautiful story of how God brought them together and what He has done in their lives and in their marriage. Ken and Joni have faced very difficult times in their marriage, and have come through it stronger, more in love with each other, and with a deeper love for Christ.

Ken and Joni share about their testing years, during which Ken was very depressed. Joni’s quadriplegia was wearing on him. The day in, day out struggles of living with someone with such a profound disability had taken its toll. “Somewhere along the way, the never-ending demands became abrasive, scraping away at the romance of their marriage, grinding down perilously their resolve to go on” (page 84).

In 2010 Joni was diagnosed with breast cancer. This was on top of quadriplegia and on top of chronic pain. Life was going to become even more challenging, but God had been preparing Ken to walk through these hard years with his wife and to faithfully care for her.

Throughout the cancer treatment, Ken and Joni became stronger together and in their relationship with Christ. “This cancer was turning out to be a severe mercy.  A bruising of a blessing, and a blessing out of brokenness” (pg. 154).

Because of the trial of cancer, Ken and Joni fell in love all over again. Ken’s loving care for Joni increased. Joni’s respect for her husband grew and grew. Ken says, “Joni and I have talked about it, and I don’t think a lot of couples get a chance at a love like this, at closeness like this. It’s like all this has been a gift God has given us” (page 156).

Joni agrees, “It’s like a wedding gift all over again. I would never thought this journey through cancer would have given us so much” (page 156).

Catching a glimpse into Ken and Joni Tada’s marriage was a blessing and an encouragement. They are godly examples of love and faithfulness in marriage. This couple has faced hard times, and they have come out stronger and more in love. God has used the suffering in their lives to sanctify them and make them more like Christ.

If you haven’t read previous books by Joni, or aren’t familiar with her life, then the book Joni and Ken might be a little bit confusing. It doesn’t give the details of Joni’s accident or her ministry, Joni and Friends. Reading her first book, Joni: An Unforgettable Story, will fill in more of the story of her life.

When I reached the end of Joni and Ken: An Untold Love Story, I found myself wishing that it was a longer book! I wanted to know more, wanted to glean more wisdom from their years of marriage. This book is a treasure!

If you are struggling through a marriage with a disability, or if you want to read an encouraging book about marriage, I recommend this book. You are not alone in the challenges you face. Let Ken and Joni encourage you to press on and remain faithful, even when marriage is hard.

Would you like to learn more of Joni and Ken's story?

Purchase their book here:

Joni and Friends Store

ChristianBook.com

Amazon.com

Watch the video of Joni speaking at the National Religious Broadcasters Convention.

Read on the Joni and Friends website, listen to Joni's radio programs, or browse the Joni and Friends store.

Ten Years

Ten years ago I walked down the aisle to meet my groom.  We said our vows and promised to love one another and be faithful to one another for the rest of our lives.  We joined in the covenant of marriage, "...for better or worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health..."

How thankful I am to the Lord for blessing me with a godly and faithful husband.  Thank you, Will, for staying by my side these past 10 years in sickness and in health, or as we often joke, "in sickness and in more sickness."

31 Days of Joy: Big Joys

My husband, Will, is one of the greatest blessings God has given to me.  He is a daily example to me of Christ, who gave Himself up for the church.  Each day Will chooses to love me and give of himself to take care of me.  In order to care for me, Will has to work hard, often missing out on the sleep he needs.  He has to manage taking care of the apartment, planning and cooking meals, shopping, and taking care of the children in the evenings when I go to bed.  All of this is on top of school, work, and an internship at our church.

As my health declines, Will has told me that his goal is to serve me and to minister to my physical and spiritual needs, no matter what the future holds.  He wants make my life better and more beautiful; he wants to bring me as much joy as he can.  His desire is to give of himself so that I may benefit and have a more full, more rich life.

I remember very clearly a card that we received when we got married almost 9 years ago.  In that wedding card a couple wrote, "We pray that God will bless your marriage such that it will be an example of Christ and the church."  God has answered that prayer, and He has given Will a great opportunity to love me self-sacrificially, following the example of Christ loving the church and laying down His life for her.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25, NIV).

Thank you, Will, for loving me and for giving of yourself for me.  Thank you for bringing joy into my life.  You are a blessing to me!