Friday, July 10, 2009

A Bad Day

This is what a bad day looks like.
How do I make it through the day alone with my son?
Keep reading to find out.

Will gets up early and gets ready for the day. When William gets up around 9am, Will gets breakfast for him and for me. I am unable to sleep any longer, but also unable to get out of bed yet, and so Will brings breakfast in to me. He also brings me my morning Gatorade and coffee.

At 9:30 Will really needs to go to school, so he puts on a Thomas the Tank Engine video to occupy William and buy me some more time in bed. Around 10:15 I finally fall back to sleep. Just a few minutes later, William comes in and wakes me up. I am tired and exhausted, so I let him watch his Cars movie. That will give me another two hours to sleep.

William watches his Cars movie and plays quietly while I sleep. I am a very light sleeper, and I am in and out of sleep this morning, so I still have a vague idea of what is going on in the apartment. William knows that I need to sleep, and so he gladly stays quiet and well behaved for me. I am so blessed to have such an easy going child!

I wake up sometime after noon, but have to stay in bed because my body is so weak. William comes in to visit me occasionally. He talks quietly to me and checks to make sure I am okay. Then he goes back to playing.

At 1:30 William comes in to the bedroom bringing two bananas. One is for him, and one is for me. I didn’t even ask him to bring me anything. He just thought of me and brought me some food! It was very sweet of him, but I was too tired and weak to even bother with it. Two minutes later William walks back in to the bedroom and sees my banana still lying on the bed. “You need to eat your banana, Mommy. It will make you feel better.”

He is very adamant that I eat the banana, and so I comply. Again two minutes go by, and William comes back to check on me. He is glad to see that I ate my banana, and he takes the peel to throw away. He tells me, “Now you will feel better, and now the baby has some food, too.” He wasn’t just looking out for me; he was taking care of his little brother or sister, too! What a responsible three year old!

All afternoon William plays quietly in the apartment. He comes in to visit, snuggle, and talk with me occasionally. Other than bathroom breaks and one trip to the living room (15 steps away from the bed!) to put on Cars, I stay in bed until 4:00pm.

At 4 o’clock I am finally feeling hungry and well enough to venture to the kitchen. I go to get a snack, and then go back to bed. On a day like today, the recliner is too much. I need to be flat in bed.

Will comes home at 5:00, and what a relief it is to have him home for the evening! Help has arrived.

I continue to stay in bed until 6:15 when I decided to be brave and take a shower. I don’t sleep well at night if I don’t have clean hair (I’m weird that way), and I desperately want clean hair. Halfway through my shower, though, I am regretting the decision. I am weak, light-headed, and having difficulty breathing. I manage to make it through without fainting, and I head back to bed to recover.

I soon move my recovery time to the recliner in the living room so that I can watch Wheel of Fortune, my nightly show. :) I eat supper while in my recliner watching the show. Once Wheel of Fortune is over, I go back to bed. We have family devotions at 7:30 in our bedroom so that I can stay in bed.

William goes to bed after devotions, and I also stay in bed for the night. I am unable to go to sleep right away, so I watch a movie. I am too tired and brain fogged to read, but an easy movie is just perfect.

Come midnight I start to feel a little better. I am a little more awake and alert, and my energy level has improved some. At midnight, though, I need to be going to sleep. I take my sleeping pill and night time meds, and eventually drift off to sleep, hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

This was definitely a hard day. A day in which I can think of little else than just making it through. At the end of the day, I am so thankful for the break that night time brings. I am thankful to be able to stay in bed and go to sleep. I am thankful for the dark and for the quiet. I look forward to a new day. Most of all, I look forward to heaven. These "bad days" now will just make me appreciate my resurrection body on the new earth all the more!

This is what my bedside looks like on a bad day. There are dishes, water, food, medicine, a fan, and anything else I might need within reach off the bed. It's a mess, but it is a helpful mess.

This is what our house looks like at the end of a bad day!
There are toys everywhere.

William's room at the end of a bad day.

It is a mess.

Even at the end of a "bad day" William is still smiling.
It is good to know that even though he has a disabled mom, my child is healthy, happy, and content.

William still enjoys being with me, even when I am stuck in bed.
He's a good litltle buddy for me, and a good little helper, too.


  1. Thank you for sharing this. I really enjoy learning about your daily life. Praying for you- you are so blessed with a little one like William. He sounds like an adorable, sweet, helpful little guy!

  2. What a good writer you are, Rachel! This blog is one way you are still contributing to the world. I know that I eagerly look for your posts and am so tuned to your life stories. You (and Will also) have always been special to me, and I learn from you regularly. The two men in your life are very special people, but they also have the joy of living with you! I think that you are doing a beautiful job with your life. One question - how is your condition affected by your pregnancy? And is your baby affected by your condition? Well, that was two questions! Love to you!

  3. What an incredible little boy you have there! Thank you for sharing about your days, both good and bad. Keep writing!!

  4. I loved the post- as well as the "good day" one! I am amazed at you! Lots of hugs and prayers for lots of good days!

  5. Hi Zona,

    I'll give the short answer here. I might do a longer blog post later to answer your questions more fully. I'm sure other people are wondering, too!

    My health is mostly unaffected by pregnancy. I was more tired than normal in my first trimester with this baby, but I'm not sure if that was due to pregnancy or just life being hard and tiring in general for me. Now that I am 4 months along I am able to stand and sit for longer periods of time. The increase in blood volume is helpful for me.

    As far as we can tell, the baby is healthy and is doing well. He/she has a good heartbeat, and the ultrasounds so far have shown a healthy baby. I was very sick when I was pregnant with William, and he is very healthy today. Long term, it is hard to know how the baby will be affected. What I have may be genetic, and may or may not be passed on to my children.

    Early on in my pregnancy I think there was a risk of the baby not getting enough oxygenated blood flow because my blood pools in the lower half of my body. I wear waist high compression and take a medication to help with this.

    The medication is Midodrine, which has been shown to cause poor fetal growth in some studies. However, that is only when it is given to lab rats (that don't need the med in the first place) in 8-10 times the normal dose. It has never been reported to cause a problem in pregnant mothers who NEED the medication. We'll be doing regular ultrasounds just to check and make sure that the baby is growing properly.

    Believe it or not, that's the short answer to your questions!

  6. I came from SITS and know you posted your 3 favorite posts but honestly this is the one I enjoyed the most. Not because you are hurting or because of pity but because it's raw. You don't pretend to be super mom who can have a bad day and take care of your son at the same time. You are in my prayers that our Lord will continue to carry you in his arms and bless your family every day.

  7. This is such a sweet story about William...Yes, I cried. You are very lucky to have such a sweet little man looking out for his mommy. And I agree with the previous commenter, this was the post I enjoyed reading more than all the others when I came over from SITS. :)

  8. What a sweet little guy you have :-) It must be so hard for you to not be able to interact with him as I am sure you wish you could. I agree with Chelle as well. The rawness of this really brought me in and makes me that much more appreciative of my health and life. I sometimes think that I have bad days, but they could be so much worse. You are strong and beautiful. May the Lord continue to bless your family.


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